


Thunder Only Happens When It's Raining

by Phillipa19



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bathroom Sex, Bottom Harry, Cheating, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Dominant Louis, Drinking, Drug Use, Gay Sex, Jealousy, M/M, Oral Sex, Smut, Swearing, TMH Larry, TMH tour, Teasing, Top Louis, Touring, but yeah, eleanor isn't some huge part so don't let that put you off if you aren't keen, just thought i'd tag that, larry - Freeform, louis kind of cheats on El with Harry, that includes awesome sex, the male character with Harry is only a tiny thing, threat, threat of rape/non con, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2017-12-27 13:25:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 37,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/979465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phillipa19/pseuds/Phillipa19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is with Eleanor and Harry knows that, he understands that, but that didn't mean that he also doesn't understand that there was something different about his and Louis's relationship. The other boy's noticed it a long time ago, but this aspect of them had been left unsaid for as long as Harry could remember. Harry might be 'the slut' but at least he can accept what he is.</p><p>And maybe Harry had decided to stop letting Louis run away.</p><p> </p><p>The title is from 'Dreams' covered by Bastille ft Gabrielle Aplin :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Something there . .  .

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this a while back and got writers block so abandoned it, but I've gotten a new lease of life and wanted to finish this and post it for you :)

They were somewhere in America, for once Harry had actually forgotten the name; usually it was Louis who always forgot and had to be reminded. All five of the boys had been told they were allowed a day off since the shoot they’d had scheduled for today had been re-scheduled for tomorrow. 

Liam and Zayn had wandered off into the shopping district and Niall had said he and Josh were going to go find a place that had hot girls and lots of beer. Harry had noticed that Liam and Zayn had been spending more time together lately, and he’d noticed that they would share looks when they thought no one was watching, but Harry wasn’t going to dig into it, whatever they have going on is their own business. After all, they never asked about him and Louis.

Harry and Louis weren’t a couple by any stretch of the imagination. Louis was with Eleanor, and Harry was happy being single most of the time. But the thing is, they’d never really been just friends, there’d always been this spark, this pull that drove the two of them to hang around each other as much as possible. 

For example, when everyone had been choosing what they were going to do for the day, Harry had said he was going to play in the pool with Lux, and Louis had nearly tripped running to his room for his trunks whilst calling out that he’d join him. Niall had shaken his head in exasperated affection, and Liam had given Harry a look that said a thousand words. The other boys knew something was between the two of them, but none of them had ever dared to say anything about it. 

So here Harry was, sat on the edge of the pool with Lux on his knee, his feet dangling in the cool water as he kissed her soft blond hair affectionately. He and Louis kidnapped the little girl as often as they could, both of them big softies when it came to kids. Harry glanced up from beneath his floppy fringe- no bandana to hold it in place today- and his Ray Bans, using their dark lenses to sneak a look at Louis who was floating on top of the water with his arms spread wide, his eyes closed peacefully and a small smile on his face. Not many people would believe that Louis was ever quiet, but Harry saw a lot of this side of Louis, since it seemed Harry was the one person he could relax around. Harry sighed at how pretty Louis was, the sun gleaming on his tanned, wet chest, the outlines of his tattoos in sharp relief. Harry smiled at the stupid deer head thing Louis had gotten just a little while ago; he thinks he may have corrupted Louis on the whole tattoo thing. 

Harry felt no guilt or awkwardness in checking Louis out, he knew Louis did the same, even though they’d never verbally admit that to each other. Louis picked his head up so his bottom half sank back under the water, lifting his hands to push his wet hair back from his face, and he looked like an ad for fancy cologne, those ones where the hot guy comes out of the sea wearing nothing but a white Speedo. Harry giggled quietly to himself at the image of Louis in a white Speedo, and hid his smile behind Lux’s pigtails. Louis waded over and blew a kiss against Lux’s tummy, making her giggle uncontrollably, and both boys laughed at the sound, meeting each other’s eyes for a breathless second. Harry wrapped his lanky arms around Lux’s little body, cuddling her close, his inked skin a harsh contrast to her pale baby skin. 

“Do you ever think about when you’ll have kids in the future?” Harry asked curiously, a soft smile on his lips. He refused to look away from Louis’s face, and that’s the only reason he caught the older boy’s real reaction. His face turned wistful, like he was imagining it right then, but at the same time he was looking over Harry’s features with an affectionate expression, quickly followed by a pang of guilt. And Harry knew he’d been thinking about having a family with Harry, and then his mind had dredged up Eleanor, and the fact that Harry was only his friend, and it’d made him feel embarrassed and guilty. 

“Not really, I’m living for the now, Curley,” Louis said with an easy grin, but Harry had seen his face, and saw now that his smile didn’t truly meet his eyes. Harry leaned forward, giving a smirk at Louis’s uncomfortable expression.

“Liar,” Harry murmured, before hopping up and carrying Lux back inside the hotel, leaving Louis with a shocked and almost scared expression, alone in the pool.


	2. You And I Get So Damn Dysfunctional

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i have quite a bit of this already typed up that simply needs editing so you'll get the first couple chapters pretty quick hopefully :)  
> Hope you like it!

When all the boys met up that night at the dining hall of the hotel for tea, Louis looked irritated, and Harry made sure to steer clear of him. As Harry was putting salad on his plate, giving the chips a sad, longing look, a sharp jab in his ribs made him jump and yelp, nearly dropping his plate in the process. He turned to give the culprit an irritated glare and found himself face to face with a smirking Louis, but the smirk didn’t hide he anger in his blue eyes, Harry sighed in resignation.

“What, Louis?” Harry asked, his voice full of annoyance as he turned back to the buffet to continue filling his plate with healthy food. He tried to eat healthily whilst he could because when they were in the tour bus he tended to eat a lot of crap.

“You can’t just call me a liar then walk off, Harry,” Louis said angrily, poking Harry’s side harshly again, making his plate tip and a bunch of lettuce fall from his plate, Harry half growled half exhaled.

“Fuck it,” he muttered, moving over to the chips and loading his plate, if he had to deal with Louis then at least he could have the carbs to power him through whatever argument was brewing between them. It got like this sometimes with them; they were so ridiculously in tune that they never really fought over normal things. But this also meant that they knew all the little ways to wind the other up, they knew the perfect ways to push each other’s buttons, and maybe Harry had done it on purpose. He liked when they argued, Louis never held back, whereas when they were acting normally, Louis hid a lot, especially when Eleanor was around. Harry knew that Louis was afraid Eleanor would pick up on something between them; it was why he was so sharp with their fans who believed in ‘Larry Stylinson’, he was afraid they’d pick up a real thing and point it out to her.

“Harry, can you at least bloody respond? You’re so goddamn ignorant sometimes, you make me wanna-” He cut off sharply as Harry spun and fixed him with a pointed look.

“I make you wanna what, Louis? Or do you not even know the answer to that?” Harry snapped, turning and walking away before Louis could respond, taking his food and sitting beside Niall, giving the blond lad a smile. He should probably stop baiting Louis, but it was simply too easy. Louis was such an easy mark compared to Harry, because Harry didn’t care, Harry had no problem with admitting that he liked the male gender just as much as the female. But Louis had this thing in his head that told him he was completely straight, which clashed strongly with the fact that he wanted to fuck Harry. It made him easy prey and Harry also had to admit that he liked it when Louis was vulnerable; he liked being the one to finally shut Louis up. The older lad was gobby beyond compare, he never just bloody shut up, but Harry had perfected the art of making him speechless and he was perversely proud of that.

The truth was that Harry was getting a little bit fed up with the weird thing they had. He was fed up of being part of this game where he and Louis played with each other until one of them snapped, they argue, and then it all starts again. He was fed up of Louis giving him loads of attention and affection but as soon as Eleanor turns up he turns cold and silent. He was fed up with the way Louis acted sometimes if he catches Harry flirting with someone, or even if he just thinks that Harry is flirting with someone, he turns sarcastic and whiny and clingy to the point where Harry ends up pissed off and in an argument that he doesn’t even really understand. And those arguments usually end with Louis making Harry apologise without saying what he’s apologising for, but Harry secretly knows that it’s all because Louis doesn’t like sharing Harry. It’s like he’s put this claim on Harry and convinced himself that it’s only friendship, explaining away his strange behaviour as brotherly love, but Harry knew better. Harry hated the fact that even though Louis didn’t want Harry as anything more than a friend, he expected Harry to act as though he were only Louis’, to act as though he’s in a relationship. Harry knew it wasn’t fair of Louis to expect him to act that way and he knew he should just ignore the blue-eyed boy, but a part of Harry wanted to belong to only Louis.

Louis finally came and sat down across from Harry, but he had a pout on his pink lips and a glare in his sparkling blue eyes, Harry gave a smug little smile at having gotten to him and Louis gave him a boot under the table.

“Ow! Fucking Hell, mate!” Harry snapped, rubbing at his shin whilst Louis crossed his arms smugly over his chest.

“What’s going on with you two? You’re both being really irritating,” Liam said with a questioning look at them both. Louis blushed scarlet and actually said nothing for once, just looking down at his lap, and that just made the other three boys look more curious.

“Louis’ just being moody, I think his hormones are acting up,” Harry grinned, knowing his words would set Louis off, and he was right. Louis huffed indignantly and uncrossed his arms, sitting up and looking at Harry with murder in his eyes. Harry saw Louis shift his weight and knew that the other lad was about to get up and probably punch him, so he shot a quick wave at the other three and quickly ran from the dining room. He heard Louis’ chair scrape the floor and heard him behind him a second later, but he kept running until he was on some random floor in the hotel, running down the empty hallway, attempting to tire Louis to the point where he’d just give up. Harry did a lot of exercise whereas Louis mostly just liked sun bathing. But Harry made a mistake, he got cocky and spun to shoot Louis a taunting grin and he lost his footing slightly, not enough to make him fall down but enough that he slowed down and Louis caught him. The shorter boy slammed into Harry’s chest, making him lose his breath and they both slammed into the wall, Louis’ body trapping Harry into a corner. Louis pulled back slightly and quickly punched Harry in the arm for all he was worth, then so fast that Harry had no time to relax, Louis grabbed hold of the sides of Harry’s face and kissed him, his mouth hot and insistent against Harry’s.

Harry gasped into the kiss, shocked and still winded, and Louis used it as an opportunity to thrust his tongue into Harry’s mouth. Harry groaned and spread his hands across Louis’ back, pulling him as close as he could so that Louis was stood between Harry’s legs, their hips pressed together. The kiss started to slow, started to gain sweetness, a longing that made it clear to Harry that Louis was going to pull away. And he did, seconds later, with a final brush of his nose against Harry’s in an Eskimo kiss that made Harry’s chest tight. As Harry kept his eyes closed, almost afraid to open them, Louis leant up and pressed a gentle kiss to Harry’s forehead. And then he was gone. When Harry heard the stairway door bang closed, he finally opened his eyes and sighed, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor.

It wasn’t like they’d never kissed before. A couple of years ago, basically before Louis met Eleanor, Harry and Louis had kissed a lot. They’d actually done more than kissing on a few occasions. And they’d kept it a secret, kept it unlabelled, never even spoken about it.

And then Louis had met Eleanor and everything had changed.

Harry remembers the tweet Louis had sent him before going public with ‘Elounor’, and he knew that that one tweet had become one of the pieces of ‘proof’ the Larry shippers used, and in part Harry thinks that’s why Louis did it. Harry thinks that he did it so that those fans didn’t doubt Louis’ loyalty to Harry. But the point is that after he’d gotten a girlfriend, Louis had never kissed Harry again. They’d had the typical drunken kisses of all close friends, with all the lads, not just each other, but those weren’t the same. And Louis had just kissed him how he used to kiss him.

Harry’s head felt fuzzy, and a big part of him wanted to cry, because he hadn’t really wanted this. He didn’t want this to start, because then he’d be a cheater, he’d be helping Louis cheat, because he would never break up with Eleanor to be with Harry. Louis was straight, at least that’s what he tells himself, he would never accept Harry as his boyfriend, and he’d keep Harry as his dirty little secret. Harry raised two fingers to brush at his lower lip, wet and kiss swollen, and felt a sense of loss, because he now remembered just how good it had been in those months where he and Louis had indulged in each other. But he also remembered how Louis would sometimes look after they fooled around, like he was ashamed of himself, and how he’d leave and Harry would be left alone to deal with that feeling of rejection.

Harry told himself to forget about this, to pretend it didn’t happen, because Louis probably would be ashamed of this anyway. So he finally got up and went in search of Niall, telling the Irish lad that he needed to unwind tonight, and when the blond boy got that mischievous look in his eyes and suggested going clubbing- just as Harry knew he would- Harry agreed with mock reluctance and they went off to their separate rooms to get ready. Harry was sharing a room with Louis but luckily he wasn’t in the room and Harry managed to get dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans, and a loose black tank top, slipping his bright blue beanie on and a pair of vans, deciding he looked good enough and setting off with Niall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave any comment or suggestions, either for this fic of for a new one! You guys' comments mean a lot to me :)
> 
> by the way my tumblr is http://thedeliciousrude.tumblr.com/ so you can submit a promt there or just have a chat :)


	3. Make Me Feel Like I Am Breathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so a lot of updates then there'll be a pause :)

The club was humid and full of bodies, Harry could feel skin all around him as he moved in time to the beat, the crowd grinding on one another and not noticing the two pop stars in their midst. Niall had wandered off to get a pint, chatting happily to some red haired lass at the bar when Harry had last looked over.

Harry took a long pull from his bottle of beer before pressing the cold glass against his forehead in hopes of some kind of relief from the heat. He sighed when it didn’t work and quickly put his hands to the bottom of his vest, tugging it up and off of his body to the sounds of catcalls and cheers of both men and women around him. He grinned, feeling buzzed and liquid from the five beers he’d already downed in quick succession. When a fit lad came up behind him and slid his hands to Harry’s hips, Harry smirked and ground back against him, enjoying the feel of someone else’s body against his after his self/Louis–imposed celibacy from the last few months. Another hot guy came up, high-fiving the guy behind Harry, making it clear they knew each other, before winking at Harry and moving in close to rub himself against the front of him.

“Mind if I join in?” The new guy said into Harry’s ear to be heard over the music, a kind of base-heavy version of ‘A Little Death’ by The Neighbourhood. Harry knew what this guy was asking, and hell no he wasn’t about to say no to a threesome with two hot guys, so he grabbed the guy by the back of the neck and quickly pulled him in to give him a deep kiss as his answer. The guys worked together to move in harmony on either side of Harry and he let himself relax for the first time in months. He leant his head back against guys number one’s shoulder, closing his eyes as guy number two leant forward to lick and suck at Harry’s sweat damp skin.

Suddenly flashes were going off and the two guys dancing with him stuttered in their attentions, Harry looked up to see a bunch of people taking pictures and Harry sighed in annoyance, he could never get a goddamn minute to himself. Niall appeared out of nowhere, gave Harry a sympathetic look before grabbing his hand and pulling him away from those two guys and the whole club itself, leading him outside into the cool air.

“Sorry man, that was supposed to be the kind of bar where no one would really recognise us,” Niall apologised.

“Nah, it’s fine. Not your fault,” Harry sighed, shrugging back into his tank top before slinging an arm over Niall’s shoulder so they could help each other drunkenly make their way back to the hotel.

When they finally stumbled up to their floor, Niall said good night and went into his own room, and Harry was tempted to ask if he could sleep on the couch in Niall and Josh’s room, not really wanting to face Louis. But it was 3am, so Harry told himself Louis would be asleep anyway.

When he finally managed to make the stupid bloody white plastic key-thing work, he basically fell through the door, not realising just how drunk he’d gotten. He lay on the floor for a second then reluctantly knelt up so he could push the door shut. He crawled over to his own bed on his hands and knees, stripping off his clothes as he went, leaving a trail across the floor. He crawled past Louis’ bed as quietly as he could, clad in only his little black boxers, but Louis stirred anyway.

“Haz?” he asked, his voice sleep rough. He said up, scrubbing a hand through his hair and looking blearily at Harry’s body crawling across the floor. “What are you doing? Are you drunk?” Louis asked frustratedly. Harry giggled in response, finding Louis bed-head really funny for some reason. He looked like a fluffy cloud with a pouty expression. It was unfairly endearing.

“Bloody slazzered, Boo Bear,” Harry chuckled, finally climbing up onto his own bed and splaying out spread-eagle with a huff of relief. Louis shook his head in annoyance but got up and tucked Harry in anyway, before getting into his own bed and settling back down.

“Love you, Lou,” Harry sighed into the dark, falling asleep quickly, not knowing whether or not Louis said it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment any thoughts you have :) your comments mean everything to me :)


	4. Blood in my Kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3rd update today but oh well haha :)

Harry woke up with a groan, shouting from outside his room disturbing his sleep, and he sat up reluctantly, pressing a hand to his pounding forehead.

“Louis, calm the fuck down!” Harry heard Niall shout from the hallway, and Harry frowned in sleepy confusion, shaking his head slightly to clear it but wincing at the pain it caused, his hair flopping over his forehead. Suddenly the room door slammed open and a furious Louis came barging in, Niall and Liam hot on his tail. Harry looked at Louis with wide eyes as he marched over and stood furiously in front of where Harry sat still swaddled in the duvet.

“Hi?” Harry said warily, confused and a little nervous to find out what he’d done to piss Louis off this bad.

“Niall. Liam. Get. Out.” Louis enunciated each word and Harry flinched at the venom in his voice. When the other two boys made as though to argue, Harry quickly shook his head at them and they reluctantly left.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asked softly, kinda worried now. Louis wasn’t usually so snappy with the other boys, to Harry, yeah, but never to the others, not really.

“You’re just so fucking smug right now aren’t you? You go out and act like a giant slut just so you can rub it in my fucking face,” Louis spat and Harry frowned, finally standing up to face Louis, and Harry didn’t miss the way Louis looked him up and down as Harry stood in only his black boxers. He also didn’t miss the fact that Louis resented the new height difference, he’d liked being taller with Harry sat on the bed, it'd made him feel powerful, and that’s part of the reason Harry had stood up.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Harry demanded, crossing his arms, knowing he was an intimidating sight. Harry knew he was a big guy who looked kinda threatening when he chose to, it’s why he slumped and smiled a lot, it put the people around him at ease, but he purposefully stood tall now, looking down at Louis.

“I go down for my breakfast and check my twitter, and some fan tweeted me some pictures of you whoring yourself last night,” Louis practically shouts, getting out his phone to shove a picture in Harry’s face. It was from last night, Harry stood pinned between two hot, tall guys, and he was topless and glistening with sweat in the strobe lights. The guy behind Harry had his hands on Harry’s upper arms, pulling his shoulders tight to the guy’s chest as he kissed the side of Harry’s neck. The guy in front of him was in the middle of licking at one of Harry’s collar bones, his hands on Harry’s hips pulling them close so their hips rubbed together. Harry himself had his head thrown back, mouth open on a silent moan, his body a long, pale, sinuous line. His face looked intense, so deep into the music and the sensations the two men were bestowing upon him, and Harry wasn’t even embarrassed. It was a hot picture, and it wasn’t like the world hadn’t basically figured out he was bi anyway.

“What’s this got to do with you?” Harry asked calmly, and Louis’ face went slack, and Harry saw him trying to think of an answer that didn’t betray any of his feelings for Harry.

“You look like a giant bloody slut, and with two guys, Harry. What? Were you gonna take turns?” Louis sneered and Harry smirked.

“Nah, was gonna have them both at the same time. Been a long time since I’ve been fucked, figured one guy just wouldn’t be enough,” Harry purred right in Louis’ face, purposefully pushing at Louis, knowing he was being a dick. But Louis had no right to be like this with him, had no right to try and dictate Harry’s actions. But what Harry didn’t expect was Louis punching him in the jaw. His head snapped back, his teeth clanking together painfully, and he tasted blood.

He swivelled his jaw for a second, breathing heavily through his nose to get his anger under control, and turned to spit out the blood onto the carpet, rubbing the back of one hand over his mouth and his pale skin came away smeared with red. He met Louis’ eyes and took one step forwards, Louis took a nervous step back, his face looking shocked at what he’d done, but also pleased. Harry saw in his expression that he’d enjoyed hurting Harry, had enjoyed the sense of release. It was that flash of pleasure that pushed Harry over the edge. He raised his arms and shoved hard against Louis’ shoulders, knocking him flat to the floor with an ‘umph’, and he quickly got down and straddled Louis’ hips, grabbing both of Louis' wrists and pinning them on either side of his head whilst Louis still lay gasping and winded.

Harry leant down and pressed his bloody lips to Louis’ ear, feeling the smaller boy shudder, in either pleasure or fear, Harry didn’t know and didn’t care.

“What I do, is none of your fucking business. Who fucks me, is none of your fucking business. Who I fuck, is none of your _fucking_ business. Even if you do wish it was you. So back the fuck off, or I’ll make you regret it,” Harry said harshly, holding Louis with an almost painful grip on his wrists. When the final word left his lips and Louis lay there speechless, Harry jumped up and headed for the door, walking out and slamming it behind him.

As he’d expected, Niall and Liam were still waiting anxiously outside his door. One look at his furious and bloody face and they yelled in shock, both of them running up to his to check his face, and Liam shot worried looks at the room door until Harry rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t kill him, Liam. Go check on him if you’re worried, he’s probably still laid on the floor,” Harry said sarcastically and Liam rolled his eyes too but quickly went into Harry’s room to check. “Can I use your shower?” Harry asked Niall calmly, but even Harry heard the simmering anger under his own voice. Niall nodded silently and led the way back to his room where Niall handed Harry a towel before leaving him alone in the shower.

He slipped off his boxers and stepped into the shower, turning the water to hot and taking a deep breath. Harry stood and let the water drench him, his hair trailing down his neck and over his face in a curtain of straight brown that he didn’t have the energy to push back. A stream off pink slid down his body and down the drain as the water hit his bloody mouth. His anger had deserted him, and now he just felt tired. He was so tired of this dance between him and Louis. And he was also a little hurt; because Louis had flat out punched him in the face, and it hadn’t been a gentle tap either. The only reason Harry had kept his balance was because he’d been into a lot of boxing lately and had trained in keeping his feet after a punch. Harry had never hit Louis in anger, and he’d grazed the line today with the way he’d pushed him down, but it had either been that, or knocking Louis out cold, and the thought of that alone made Harry’s stomach churn. But Louis apparently had no such compunctions, and he’d enjoyed it, and that’s what had made Harry snap.

Harry had lifted his head, pushing back his hair and wiping water out of his eyes, when he heard arguing outside the bathroom door. Suddenly the bathroom door swung open and Harry frowned. Louis tried to come barrelling in but Niall had a hard grip on his arm, while his other arm covered his eyes, and Harry would have laughed at Niall’s actions but he was too pissed off at seeing Louis.

“Can you not even let me have a bloody shower now, Louis?” Harry snapped, not covering up partly because he really had no modestly, and partly because he wanted to make Louis uncomfortable.

“Sorry, Haz, couldn’t stop him,” Niall said, his hand still covering his eyes. Harry gave a resigned sigh, turning his back on them to squirt some soap into his hands as he continued his shower.

“Niall, you can leave, it’s fine. I’ll give him a minute to talk before I knock him out,” Harry said calmly, rubbing his soapy hands over his chest.

“Harry I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Niall said warily.

“Oh, for god’s sake Niall, just bugger off for a few minutes,” Louis said exasperated.

“Cos I’m totally gonna listen to you,” Niall said sarcastically, and Harry laughed without any real humour; he was too angry.

“Niall, I promise not to kill him. Just give us a few minutes then you can take him far away from me,” Harry said dryly and he glanced over to see Louis face twist in annoyance. Niall left without another word and Louis shut the door behind him. Harry turned to face Louis, still running his soapy hands over his arms and chest, and when his hands started to slide down his toned stomach, Louis eyes followed before he snapped his eyes up to look at the ceiling and his face turned scarlet, Harry smirked in harsh amusement at making Louis uncomfortable.

“Could you, like, put a towel on? Or turn around at least?” Louis asked in exasperation, still refusing to look anywhere near Harry.

“You’re the one who couldn’t wait for me to finish my shower before you spoke to me, so you’ll just have to deal with it,” Harry said in a light, sing song voice, knowing he was teasing Louis but not being able to help it. He stood facing Louis and lifted his arms to rub shampoo through his hair, and he felt Louis’ gaze and smirked, but kept his eyes closed, because when his eyes were closed Louis thought it was okay to stare, and Harry liked having Louis stare at him like this, especially because it had to be killing Louis that he was finding Harry attractive right now.

“Whatever. Just- I’m sorry for hitting you, but you deserved it,” Louis snapped, crossing his arms and huffing.

“Wow, Louis, nice back-handed apology there,” Harry said with a heavy dose of sarcasm, rolling his eyes before stepping under the spray to wash out the shampoo. Louis waited till Harry came back out of the spray to speak again.

“Well was any of it really fucking necessary?” Louis bitched and Harry snapped his head up to glare at Louis through strands of his wet hair. Louis had gotten some balls and was meeting his gaze, still blushing slightly, and at Harry’s glare he swallowed thickly.

“I didn’t do it to get to you, Louis, because quite frankly, you shouldn’t even be fucking bothered. You should actually be a normal bloody mate who gives me a high-five for having the opportunity to have a threesome. I did it because I wanted to; I did it because I needed to unwind. And I just wanted sex, Lou, why is that such a bad thing? You screw your girlfriend, why can’t I go find myself someone and get laid?” Harry said bluntly, finally stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around his hips. Louis had taken a nervous step back when Harry had exited the shower but now took a tentative step forward, unwilling to act afraid even though it was clear that he was.

“Because you’re worth more than a one-night-stand,” Louis argued and Harry snorted.

“Seriously? That’s the excuse you’re gonna use? Bloody rich, coming from you,” Harry said with a smile that held no joy, and Louis face flushed deep red again.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He demanded, taking a confident step closer to Harry, and Harry used it to lean in close to Louis’ face, staring him straight in the eyes.

“Well you didn’t really care about my honour back before Eleanor came along, did you?” Harry purred, his voice filled with double meaning and Louis exhaled a shaky breath. Louis stepped back and swallowed, taking a shaky breath and giving Harry a panicked look before turning around and walking out of the room, practically running in his haste to get away from Harry and the truth.


	5. Cuddle Me Close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trying to get as much of this up as possible :) hope you guys like it :)

The next day they were back on the road and the tension between Louis and Harry was thick. The other boys kept shooting glances between them, obviously afraid they were going to start kicking the crap out of each other. But Harry wasn’t even all that angry anymore, he’d rattled Louis and that’s what he was focusing on. Louis, on the other hand, looked irritable. Zayn usually sat with Louis when he wasn’t in the best of moods, and the lad could usually cheer Louis up, but it wasn’t working today and Zayn had finally had enough of Louis snapping at him and gone to join Niall and Liam on the X-Box at the back on the bus. Harry walked down the aisle towards where Louis was sat and plopped himself down next to him, effectively blocking him in, which visibly made Louis panic.

“You shouldn’t take your mood out on Zayn, Lou,” Harry sighed, leaning his head back on the seat but looking across at where Louis was sat, arms crossed and glaring at Harry.

“I’ll do what I want. Now just . . . piss off,” Louis said, and there was a desperate edge to his words.

“You just don’t want to talk to me because I’m the only one who knows the truth about why you were so angry yesterday,” Harry said softly, none of the other guys could hear them or see them anyway, it was why he’d decided to talk to Louis now; because he couldn’t run very far when they were on the tour bus, and Louis had a bad habit of running away from anything that scared him.

“Harry! Can you not just leave me alone?!” Louis said, exasperated and a little scared. And Harry changed tactics.

“Is that what you really want? Do you want me to stop talking to you altogether?” Harry asked Louis seriously and the shorter boy froze. He finally fully met Harry’s eyes to search them, and Harry let him see that he was being honest; if Louis genuinely just wanted rid of him, then Harry would walk away. Harry wasn’t going to hold onto this if Louis didn’t even want to be around him anymore, it would hurt him like hell to never speak to the other boy again, would probably break a piece of his heart to let go, but he’d do it.

“No,” Louis whispered finally, and Harry felt himself exhale in relief. “No, I don’t want you to stop talking to me,” Louis continued, his voice still soft and shaking. Harry couldn’t help himself, he reached an arm around Louis shoulders and pulled the boy close to him, cuddling him softly, and Louis wrapped his own arms around Harry. Louis seemed to relax completely at the contact, it’d been a rough couple of days between them, and they knew it wasn’t over yet, but they’d both missed the contact with each other.

“You can’t keep this up, Lou,” Harry sighed, kissing Louis temple softly.

“I can’t help it,” Louis words were barely a breath, but they shocked Harry’s whole system; that was the first time Louis had ever admitted to doing any of this stuff. He’d just admitted he couldn’t help his feelings where Harry was concerned, and Harry felt immense pride that Louis had finally admitted to it. So Harry squeezed him tighter, letting Louis bury his head in his chest.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, when I danced with those guys, it wasn’t for that purpose,” Harry explained, brushing his lips over Louis’ hair over and over again to show the older boy that he wasn’t truly mad at him.

“It hurt, a-and it made me . . . It made me jealous,” Louis finally stuttered out and Harry smiled, Harry had never thought Louis would admit to any of this.

“I know that now, but I didn’t do it for that reason. I was just dancing and then they came up to me. And Louis, I just wanted to have it easy for once. Face it; this thing that’s between us hasn’t been easy for a long time. I just wanted to go home with two pretty strangers, have sex, then come back relaxed to start all this shit again,” Harry said. Louis had been honest with him; he wanted to be too, so he sighed reluctantly. “But I liked it when you saw the pictures,” Louis leaned back to look at Harry’s face questioningly. “I liked that it made you react, sometimes, you make me feel like I’m the only one who cares anymore,” Harry explained.

“Of course I care, Harry. It’s always been the problem, hasn’t it? The fact that I care too much,” Louis said with a wry twist of his lips. “And when I saw those pictures . . .” He paused and looked to Harry for confidence and Harry curled his hand around Louis’. “I hated it. I hated that you were being touched by those other guys. I hated that you were going to go home with them. And I hated that you looked so goddamn beautiful that I saved the photo even though I hate that the two other guys are in it with you.”

Harry looked at Louis sad face and cupped it in his palms. Louis leant his cheek into Harry’s hold, craving the affection after Harry had inadvertently hurt him. And Harry took a chance. No one was around to see, so they wouldn’t get caught, but Louis’ reaction could go either way, so Harry braced himself for that, but didn’t back off. He leant forwards whilst Louis’ eyes were closed, and pressed their lips together. Louis gasped and Harry waited to be pushed away, but Louis’ hands came up to cling to the t-shirt covering Harry’s chest, kissing him back softly. It was a gentle kiss, nothing like the one in the hallway that they both pretended didn’t happen. Louis was the one to deepen it, giving little kitten licks to the seam of Harry’s lips until he finally opened them for him. Louis gave a happy sigh and swiped his tongue against Harry’s, and their kiss quickly gained momentum, until Harry ended up helping Louis climb onto his lap to straddle his hips. They could hear the X-Box in the back ground so Harry knew the other boys wouldn’t walk in on them.

Louis ground down on Harry, making him moan and cup his arse, squeezing the curves firmly, appreciatively; he’d always loved Louis’ arse. Louis’ hands were in his hair, tugging at the strands at his nape, making Harry shudder against him. And when they finally had to break apart to breathe, both of them realising that this couldn’t exactly go any further since the boys were only a few metres away behind a curtain, Harry caught Louis’ chin in a firm hold, making him meet his eyes. Louis’ face was soft and his eyes were bright and warm, and Harry relished in it because he knew it wouldn’t last long.

“This happened, Louis. No pretending it didn’t happen, Okay? You can’t keep playing with me and just expecting me to go along with it,” Harry whispered huskily, and Louis nodded slowly, his face slightly scared. “I’m not going to tell everyone, Louis, that’s not what I mean. I just mean that we don’t act like it didn’t happen, okay?” Harry asked, stroking Louis’ pretty cheek bone.

“Y-yeah, that’s fair,” Louis said finally, leaning forward to curl himself into Harry’s chest and Harry kissed his temple, wrapping his arms around him. Harry might be the youngest, and Louis the oldest, but Louis loved when Harry held him like this. They’d been the same height at first, Harry maybe even a little smaller than Louis, but then he’d grown and Louis had never admitted to it, but Harry knew he loved being shorter than him. It made Louis feel cared for, and Harry loved taking care of him.

They heard motion in the back and Harry help Louis scramble back into his seat, but he stayed sat beside him, his arm around his shoulder and Louis tucked into his side, they could get away with this.

“Woo! You guys made up!” Niall called happily, practically running over to lay himself over both of their laps, top half over Louis and bottom half over Harry.

“Niall, you’re a heavy bastard, get off,” Louis bitched, back to his sarcastic little self and Harry couldn’t help his affectionate smile. He finally relaxed, bantering with all the boys, and memorising every detail of Louis pressed against his side.


	6. Everything That Kills Me Makes Me Feel Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy!

On stage that night, Louis smiled at Harry a lot, and Harry laughed at Louis’ jokes a lot harder than usual, and they touched at every opportunity. They knew that these moments would be used as evidence by fans of their ‘secret relationship’, but they didn’t really care. They were enjoying things between them whilst they were easy for the moment. They had no idea that after the concert the rug would be pulled sharply out from under their feet.

They’d run off stage, all of them smiling and Harry and Louis walking so close that their arms brushed with every step, and Louis had come to a sudden stop. When Harry saw Louis' face go from shock and masked disappointment, to a big, false smile that didn’t meet his blue eyes, he looked around to see what had caused it and he felt his stomach drop. Eleanor stood by the dressing room doors, grinning and waiting for Louis. Harry took a deep breath and fought down the stupid need to cry that had started prickling at his eyes. He knew it was stupid to be upset, but he and Louis had had such a lovely time with each other after their kiss in the bus, but now Harry knew that Louis wouldn’t really talk to him again until Eleanor left them. And what if things changed? What if Louis went back to how they were before, forgetting the small steps of progress they’d made?

Harry forced himself to straighten his slumped shoulders and walked up to Eleanor with a smile, it wasn’t really her fault; she was actually pretty innocent in this, whereas Harry had been kissing her boyfriend earlier today. Harry felt slightly guilty at that and greeted her with more warmth than usual to make up for it, giving her a hug that she returned happily. She really wasn’t all that bad, and that just made Harry feel worse, but it also made a small part of him hate her, because there was no reason on earth that Louis would actually leave her for Harry. He would have this secret bit of fun with Harry until he decided that he was happy enough with El.

Harry escaped into the dressing room, leaving the couple to greet each other; he couldn’t face watching them kiss right now. He knew it was stupid, but he’d started to have a little bit of hope for him and Louis, but the arrival of Eleanor had just trampled on that, making him realise how stupid his hope had been. Had he really expected Louis to decide he wanted to come out as gay and claim Harry as his? He rubbed a hand through his hair, frustrated because a silly part of him had. When Harry felt the urge to cry return he quickly walked into the toilets so no one would see.

As soon as the door lock slid home he broke down, a ragged sob ripped free of his chest, and Harry felt momentary surprise that he’d actually been able to hold this much pain in, because he now exploded with it. It felt like all the moments he’d been hurt by Louis had built up into a wave and were now drowning him. A knock at the door made him gasp and he quickly scrubbed his face and opened the door. Liam stood there with a sad expression on his face, and he quickly pushed passed Harry into the toilet and shut the door, locking it again so they wouldn’t be disturbed. Liam said nothing at first, just searching Harry’s face, but he finally just pulled Harry to his chest and let him sob. After a while, he started stroking his fingers through his hair.

“I’ve never understood you and him,” Liam whispered softly, making Harry freeze in fear, no one was ever supposed to know about him and Louis, or at least never speak about it.

“I d-don’t know what you’re talking about,” Harry said huskily, his face wet but he’d run out of tears, his nose was stuffy and he sniffled pathetically.

“I don’t understand why you never just gave up on it. He hurts you all the time Harry, and he doesn’t even really know he does it,” Liam said, his eyes sad.

“Liam, just leave it, okay?” Harry begged softly, but Liam was determined to make Harry talk about this, that much was obvious.

“Harry, do you think me and the boys like seeing you and Louis like this? It’s been going on for long enough, Harry,” Liam said, not letting Harry look away, and Harry had the strongest urge to talk, because he’s never been able to talk to anyone about him and Louis.

“I love him,” Harry said in a broken whisper, and it was the first time Harry had ever spoken the words. He felt his breath catch in his throat, and Liam’s face was full of sadness and sympathy; Harry’s words had hurt Liam, because he understood what Harry was going through now.

“Jesus, Haz,” Liam said, his voice filled with regret, and he cupped Harry’s jaw in a shaking hand. “You need to let it go, Harry. He won’t . . . He won’t ever feel the same way as you,” Liam forced out, he knew what he was saying to Harry, how much this would hurt him. And Harry knew the Liam hated the pain that crumpled Harry’s features, which made him back away so he could fall back against the cold wall, using it to slide down to the floor and sob. Harry had known this all along, but he could’ve held onto a small amount of hope, until Liam had said it to him, because that meant other people could see it, that they knew Louis could easily walk away, and that Harry couldn’t.

“I know, I-I just can’t, Liam. I’ve tried, so, so hard, to let go. But he just pulls me back every time. We-” Harry cut of, glancing at Liam before deciding to trust him, to finally just talk about this. “We were kinda together before Eleanor,” Harry said softly, glancing up at Liam through wet eyelashes.

“I can’t believe we never knew that. I mean, we knew you two had this . . . connection, and we all kinda had bets going on how long it’d take you guys to sleep together, but we never guessed there were really feelings between you guys. I guess we should’ve paid more attention to what some of our fans say, huh?” Liam joked weakly, and Harry blushed slightly.

“Well, we, uh, we slept together a long time ago, actually. Back when we first went on the X Factor tour. You guys were asleep so, um, yeah,” Harry finished with a blush. And his heart gave a kick remembering their first time, but he wouldn’t let the memories come back until he was alone and had time to process through the hurt, he couldn’t break down like that in front of Liam.

“Harry! That’s so wrong. I can’t believe you guys had sex in the same room as me. When we were bloody asleep!” Liam exclaimed with a matching blush, his face filled with disbelief and a heavy dose of ‘eww’.

“Sorry,” Harry offered weakly, and Liam sighed, shaking his head before moving to sit beside Harry, putting his arms around the younger boy’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry you’re hurt,” Liam said, leaning over to kiss Harry’s temple.

“It’s not your fault. Not really Louis’ either. I was the one who kissed him first. I was the one who made him doubt who he was. I was the one who didn’t let go when Louis got a girlfriend. I mean, I’m pretty pathetic really, most people would see that as a clear sign, you know? It’s a clear sign the other person is over you. But I just . . . Couldn’t. He met her when we were still messing around, there was never a moment when he told me he didn’t want to see me anymore like that, he just . . . Stopped. He met her and I tried to kiss him later that day. He pushed me away and I remember being confused, just thought that he was playing hard to get or something. He sent me that tweet, telling me I was always in his heart, and then he broke mine. He made him and El public and that’s how I found out. I didn’t know how to act with him at first but, I soon realised I had to copy what Lou was doing. He just ignored me. Like we’d never had anything. And he acted like we literally hadn’t. He acted like he’d never kissed me. Like he’d never slept with me. Like he’d never fallen asleep wrapped around me. And it hurt, I’d already fallen in love with him, and he’d just brushed it all under the rug like I’d never meant anything to him. For fuck sake he even told people I'd introduced him to her.

“But . . . sometimes I’d catch him looking at me, he’d stare at me when I spoke in interviews. And he’d brush his hand against mine. He’d make these flirty comments all the time. And I latched onto them, I’d listen for them, I’d hold my breath when he walked close to me, hoping he’d just brush against me. And I told myself that it meant he loved me too, that he was just scared. But I’m older now. I know how stupid I’ve been. But lately he just . . . He’s acted so much better with me. He kissed me, and then let me kiss him. And it’s been so long since I’ve felt his lips, Liam. I didn’t realise how much I’d missed such a small thing,” Harry admitted, and Liam looked at him in awe.

“I’ve always wondered why you never just settled down with someone. You’re the kind of person who just belongs with someone, shouldn’t be alone. But I understand now that it was because you loved him all along. Is that why he was so angry when those photos from the club were posted?” Liam asked, his eyes going wide.

“Yeah. He told me that he hated seeing other guys touching me, that it made him jealous,” Harry said, and Liam looked almost angry.

“It’s like Louis knew you were about to give up on loving him, so did all this just to keep you waiting, he’s given you these things as hope that he’ll do more, but really he just wants you to keep loving him from the sidelines,” Liam said, and Harry’s heart turned to ice in his chest, because that was the cruellest thing anyone could do, and Harry knew that that was exactly what Louis was doing.

“I don’t- I don’t even know what to do now,” Harry admitted.

“You need to let go. You need to ignore him when he does things like flirt and touch you, and you need to live your own life. Maybe shagging two guys hadn’t been the best of plans, but going out that night and having fun had been a good start,” Liam said with a roll of his eyes at the mention of those two hot guys.

“To be fair I didn’t go out with the intention of a threesome, I just got offered one,” Harry said diplomatically.

“Lucky bastard,” Liam grinned and Harry smirked, finally starting to feel like himself again.

“How do you fall out of love with someone?” Harry asked Liam softly, and he was aware that his eyes were filled with desperation, but he just didn’t know how to start.

“I honestly don’t know, Haz. I’m sorry that I can’t help,” Liam said, knocking his forehead against Harry’s in an affectionate apology. Harry realised that for a little while he’d become withdrawn from the other boys, too much going on in his head about him and Louis for him to really be present a lot of the time.

“You’ve helped a lot just by talking to me. I haven’t ever talked about me and Louis before,” Harry assured Liam, giving him a small smile.

“You can always talk to me, Harry. I think a lot of us kinda forget you’re the baby of the group,” Liam smiled, squeezing Harry tighter when he rolled his eyes at the baby comment. “But seriously, I’m here for you, and I’ll help you get over him as much as I can.” Harry hugged him in silent thanks and Liam stood up, grabbing Harry’s hand and helping him to his feet. They left the bathroom and Louis was nowhere in sight when Harry reflexively searched for him. Niall gave them a questioning look but smiled when Liam gave him a thumbs up. Harry wandered over to curl up on the couch, Liam and Niall began getting ready to leave. Zayn had been looking at Harry since he came out of the bathroom but hadn’t said a word, but he wandered over and sat next to Harry, letting the younger boy curl up to his side, cuddling into Zayn’s chest gratefully. Zayn gave Harry a kiss on the forehead and brushed a hand affectionately through his curls.

“Rough day?” Zayn asked softly so no one else could hear.

“Rough couple of years,” Harry joked wryly.

“You know, it’ll get better. You’ll get over him eventually,” Zayn added and Harry tensed, sitting up to look at Zayn’s face.

“Does everyone bloody know about us and I just never noticed?” Harry asked, his voice loud with shock and Harry heard Niall’s loud laugh from across the room.

“You idiot, ‘course we knew,” Niall called over and Harry blushed as Liam scolded Niall for being so brash.

“Look, everyone just needs to stop talking about this or Louis will kick off. I’m fine, okay?” Harry said quickly, standing up and wandering over to his bag to get a fresh top out. He ignored the fact that none of the boys had answered him.

When they got onto the tour bus Harry noticed the curtain to the big double bed was closed and Louis and Eleanor were absent, he put two and two together and his stomach twisted uncomfortably. He went to the furthest bunk bed from the double bed, which happened to be Niall’s.

“You mind switching bunks with me?” Harry asked the Irishman softly.

“Nah, it’s cool. You okay?” Niall asked as he stood up, clapping Harry on the shoulder.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” Harry said with a tired smile, getting into Niall’s bunk after giving him a hug goodnight. Niall’s sheets were warm from his body minutes before, and Harry snuggled into them gratefully.

***

He’d been asleep for a little while when he felt a hand shaking his shoulder gently. He opened his eyes blearily to find Louis perched on the edge of his bed in just his boxers. The rest of the bus was obviously asleep and it was almost pitch black, just the lights on the aisle floor were lit up softly, illuminating Louis' beautiful face, his hair in a soft, fluffy fringe over his forehead.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asked, about to sit up but Louis pressed his chest back into the bed.

“Nothing, nothing. I just- you disappeared earlier and I was worried about you,” Louis said timidly. Harry sighed in frustration; Louis needed to stop acting like this or Harry was never going to be able to move on.

“I didn’t feel right around El after what happened between us,” Harry whispered back, scrubbing a hand through his hair, and as he moved he realised that the bed sheet had slipped down to barely cover his hips. He’d gone to bed naked. But before Harry could move a hand to pull the sheet back up, Louis lifted a tentative hand and stroked his fingers over the indents of the v-line at Harry’s hip, brushing the tips over the tattoo there. He smirked at the words of the tattoo, ‘might as well’ and they seemed to give Louis courage. Harry saw a flash of confidence in his expression and his breath stuttered in his throat in almost fear; because he was supposed to be getting over Louis, not getting hard over Louis.

Harry took a deep breath, trying to ignore the feel of Louis’s fingers that were now brushing across his hips, following the line of where the sheet started, but the sheet was low and he was so, so close to where Harry suddenly wanted him. Harry knew he should stop whatever was happening, and he weakly brushed his fingers against the wrist of the hand Louis was using, a pathetic attempt at refusal, but all it did was make Louis look up to meet his eyes, his left hand still raising goosebumps on Harry’s skin.

All of Harry’s fight left him at meeting those eyes, and he exhaled sharply, a soft whine of need leaving his throat. Louis slid into the bed beside Harry, pulling the curtain across so they were hidden from view if anyone did wake up, and Harry felt himself tremble in fear and anticipation. After the curtain closed Louis turned to face him again, using his arms to manoeuvre himself above Harry, nudging Harry’s legs so he could place one leg between his.

“L-Louis, I don’t think-“ Harry was cut off by Louis fingers over his mouth, when he was sure Harry was going to stay quiet, looking up at him with his eyes wide and glassy, his lips parted and pink, he stroked his fingers over his bottom lip before leaning down to kiss him, and Harry whimpered at the touch. Louis caught Harry’s hands and slid them up the bed until they were under the pillow on either side of his head.

  
“Don’t move your hands,” Louis whispered into Harry’s mouth, and Harry nodded back shakily. Louis kissed him again, deeper this time, making Harry clench his hands into the pillow. Louis ground his hips down onto Harry’s and Harry almost cried out at the touch, but caught himself in time. Harry had a moment of clarity and knew he had to stop this before it went too far and moved his hands to Louis’ shoulders, pushing gently but firmly until Louis’ lips were no longer against his. Louis grabbed Harry’s wrists almost painfully, pressing them back down to the mattress, making Harry gasp in slight pain and surprise. “Did I say you could move your hands?” Louis asked huskily, staring into Harry’s eyes with a forcefulness that made Harry swallow thickly.

“N-no but we shouldn’t do-” Harry started but was cut off by an almost harsh kiss. Harry realised he was experiencing the same Louis he had years ago, the one who thrived off of making Harry weak, making him uncertain, making him nervous. When Harry was like this, Louis became confident, bold, dominant, and it was killing Harry to even try to turn him down.

“There’s no we about this, Harry. There’s a me. All you have to do is lie down and stay quiet. And don’t move your hands,” Louis said and he was intimidating like this, and also sexy as hell, so Harry nodded shakily. Louis gave him a soft kiss, and knowing that Harry would keep his hands still now, he let go of them, reaching a hand up to brush his fingers through Harry’s hair before suddenly tugging hard at the hair at the nape of his neck, making Harry gasp and arch his neck back into the touch. And Louis used this as an opportunity to bite and suck his way down Harry’s neck. Sucking an angry red mark onto his collar bone, and kissing the bird tattoos. He made his way down, licking at the V’s of Harry’s hips, nuzzling his way down the trail of hair from his belly button down under the sheets and Harry’s body tensed and arched as Louis’ mouth found him under the sheet. Louis used one hand to grab him firmly at the base, making Harry shudder, and closed his mouth over the rest.

Harry didn’t last long under Louis attentions, shuddering and whimpering into his own shoulder, biting at the skin to stop from making too much noise. To Harry’s surprise, when he warned Louis he was close, the older boy didn’t pull away. Instead he swallowed quickly and cleanly, pulling away then and sitting up, and Harry whimpered as he watched Louis’ tongue dart out to lick his lower lip. Harry lay there, utterly wrecked and Louis stayed knelt between his legs, gazing at Harry’s pale, naked body in open hunger and awe.

“You’re beautiful like this,” Louis whispered, and his voice was as wrecked as Harry felt. Harry looked at Louis questioningly and he smiled, understanding what Harry wanted to know. “You can move your hands now,” he answered, and Harry reached up to twine his fingers with Louis’. Harry sat up, using Louis’ hand as leverage. Harry leant up, Louis having the height advantage on his knees, his eyes wide and searching, and pressed his lips softly to Louis’. Louis grabbed his jaw and gave him a deep kiss, and Harry could taste himself on Louis’ tongue, it was strange but not wholly unpleasant. When Louis let him go, Harry nuzzled into his neck and Louis sighed, stroking his hands over Harry’s back. Harry started sliding his hands up Louis thighs and he tentatively brushed his fingers over the bulge in Louis’ boxers, but after a moment Louis pulled Harry’s hand away. “No, Harry.”

“I want to make you feel good too,” Harry murmured, bumping his nose against Louis’ collar bone, before running his lips up Louis’ neck to his chin, feeling stubble against his lips and kissing it.

“It makes me feel good with you like this. I didn’t do that so that you would reciprocate. I did it because I wanted to make you feel good,” Louis said and Harry frowned.

“It was a pity blow?” Harry asked and his voice held dawning horror.

“No.” Louis said firmly, meeting Harry’s eyes, holding tight to the younger boy’s chin. “I just wanted to; do I need any more reason than that?” Louis asked, brushing his nose against Harry’s and Harry reluctantly melted again, snuggling into Louis’ chest, the light patch of hair there tickling his nose and making him smile softly.

“I don’t really want you going back to bed with El while you’ve got a boner I caused, Lou,” Harry said lightly, trying to mask his pain with humour.

“It’ll go down in a minute. And I’d never do that Harry. I might be a bastard but I’d never do that to you,” Louis murmured, kissing Harry’s temple and jaw over and over. They were wrapped around each other, perhaps making up for lost time. But a part of Harry couldn’t help but see this is a good bye. Maybe if this was the point that Louis changed, then Harry would be able to relax. But Harry knew better now. He knew this was Louis’ way of saying sorry for the way he’s treated Harry, and in the morning he’ll go back to ignoring him until Eleanor leaves. Harry realised he wasn’t willing to be Louis’ toy anymore, put on the shelf when he has a shinier, prettier toy to play with. So he soaked this in, the feel of Louis’ body against his, their skin brushing together in the darkness, Louis’ kisses peppering his skin, the feel of his stubble making Harry shiver.

They stayed like that for a long time until Louis sighed and reluctantly began to unwind Harry from him. Harry let go without a fight, but his heart already began to ache, a tight pain in his chest that made it hard to breathe.

“Goodnight, Harry,” Louis whispered before tip-toeing back to his own bed.

“Goodbye, Lou,” Harry whispered into the darkness, letting a single tear fall before forcing himself to go back to sleep.


	7. Love Isn't The Word For It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i should be getting ready to go out, instead i'm uploading yet another chapter :)

When Harry woke up he refused to get out of the bed, telling himself he deserved to hide for a little while. But he was rudely exposed by Niall who ripped the curtains open and shoved his grinning face into Harry’s, his snap back nearly poking Harry in the eye.

“Morning bitch-tits,” Niall sing-songed at him and Harry flipped him off, hiding under his covers. Niall ripped the covers back again then laughed. “Haz! There’s a bloody girl on here are you didn’t think to put on pyjama bottoms?”

“Piss off, Niall,” Harry sighed but he got up anyway, wrapping the sheet around his hips until he found his grey sweat pants, slipping them on and wandering over to the breakfast area. When he saw Louis, he noted with sadness but not a lot of surprise that Louis refused to meet his eyes. Harry decided then that he was going to act like what Louis had done last night was no big deal, that it’d just been a bit of casual fun, even if his heart was still aching over it.

“Morning,” Harry called out with mock cheer and he got a couple groans, a couple commands to ‘piss off’ and a cheery good morning from Eleanor. Harry grabbed an apple and bit into it, and he noticed that Louis’ eyes had glanced at his mouth during the action. Harry knew Louis had to be slightly regretting his refusal of Harry’s offer of a blow job.

“You feeling okay this morning?” Liam asked him, and Harry gave him a small smile.

“Perfectly fine. Where are we off today?” Harry asked curiously.

“We’ve got a couple photo shoots but mostly interviews for radio,” Liam replied and Harry groaned.

“I can’t be bothered with photo shoots today, though. They’re so boring!” Harry complained, biting into his apple with a sulk, and Louis turned to him with a bitchy expression.

“Oh stop bloody whining, Harry,” Louis’ voice was just too far on the sharp side and even the others at the table looked at him with confusion, Harry hadn’t really whined that much, not enough to warrant Louis’ annoyance anyway. Harry felt a spark of anger but kept his face calm.

“You know, you look a little unwell. Your lips are a little swollen too, you eaten anything different lately?” Harry asked pointedly, not looking away from Louis’ bright blue eyes. Louis blanched, all colour leaving his face before his cheeks suddenly flooded with crimson, and he stood up, grabbing Harry’s arm and dragging him to the back of the bus where the others wouldn’t hear or see them. Louis waited until the others started talking amongst themselves again before speaking. He shoved Harry so his back hit the glossy wall, and Harry just let him, smiling smugly.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Louis whispered furiously, his hands balled into tight little fists.

“You can’t treat me like that and expect no response, Louis. And don’t think I’m going to pretend last night didn’t happen. Not so easy to pretend you’re straight when the guy whose cock you sucked last night is sat across the table from your pretty little girlfriend, is it?” Harry purred in Louis’ ear, purposefully brushing his lips against Louis’ skin, feeling Louis trying to fight his reaction to Harry’s words and proximity. Louis finally growled and used his hands to pin Harry’s shoulders to the wall, pushing his furious face in front of Harry’s.

“Don’t forget you were the one fucking whimpering and begging to be screwed, Harry,” Louis sneered and Harry gave a humourless laugh.

“You see, I don’t care, though. I’ll go in there are tell them how I whimpered for your mouth, how I arched into your touch, that doesn’t bother me, Louis. I’m not ashamed of what I am,” Harry said, not looking away from Louis’ gaze, seeing him fight a reaction, fight remembering Harry writhing beneath his touch.

“You’re a slut, plain and simple, and that’s the only reason you don’t fucking care,” Louis spat and walked away. And Harry would be lying if he claimed that what Louis had just said hadn’t hurt him. He felt sick. Harry had always been at ease with his sexuality, but Louis had just managed to make him feel ashamed of that fact, had just made him feel like a cheap whore with one sentence. So Harry didn’t go back to the breakfast table, instead going silently back to his bunk and shutting the curtain, not feeling up to acting like he hadn’t just been poisoned by Louis’ words.

Maybe Harry was too easy. Maybe that was why he’d never find someone who could truly love him. He was good at sex, but maybe that’s all he was ever good at; that’d explain why Louis had walked away from him so easily the first time; and why he was still alone, yet would melt at one touch of Louis’ lips, begging for any scraps Louis would give him.

The curtain moved and Harry sighed, tired of people in general, but Liam popped his head in and smiled softly.

“What happened? No one else is around so you can talk. They all got off the bus to go into the service station,” Liam explained. Harry scooted over so Liam could sit on the edge of the bed.

“Louis came to see me last night when everyone was asleep. He said he wanted to check if I was okay,” Harry said, rubbing his eyes tiredly because he knows he fell for it and he shouldn’t have. All Louis was doing was making sure Harry didn’t give up on him.

“So what was this morning about?” Liam asked in confusion.

“Well, we kissed,” Harry started and Liam sighed.

“Harry I told you not to get into that situation again. What were you thinking?” Liam asked sadly. Harry snorted in wry humour and Liam looked at him in confusion.

“Well, I wasn’t thinking all that much since I had Louis’ lips around my dick,” Harry said with a twisted smile and Liam blushed slightly.

“Jesus. I, I really don’t even have a response to that,” Liam said with a dumbstruck expression.

“Anyway, when he decided to be a douche this morning I-” Harry was interrupted by Liam’s laugh.

“You made a blow job reference! Oh, God, I was so confused by why what you said made him so mad but I totally get it now,” Liam chuckled.

“Yeah, well he then told me that I was basically not ashamed of what had happened because I’m a giant slut. So I guess I just wasn’t up for eating with everyone after that,” Harry shrugged, and Liam’s face had dropped all humour, going dark with anger and worry.

“You aren’t a slut, Haz. He’s only saying that because he wanted to hurt you,” Liam said, placing a hand on Harry’s bare shoulder.

“But that’s the thing. Before all this shit, before Eleanor, he always promised me that he’d never hurt me. And now it’s all he ever seems to want to do,” Harry aid, his voice small and vulnerable. “And I just take it all, because I’m desperate for any bloody scrap of his attention, even if it’s attention that hurts me.” A tear fell and Harry swiped it away angrily, he wasn’t going to let himself cry again.

“Look, after all the shoots and interviews today, we have the night off, so we’re all gonna go clubbing. You are going to drink and have fun and dance with strangers, okay? And even if you go shag one of them, that doesn’t make you a slut,” Liam said firmly, pressing a kiss to Harry’s forehead and walking away before Harry could argue and tell him he doesn’t want to go out.

The day went quickly, and Harry and Louis mainly avoided each other as much as they could. Harry felt exhausted by the end of it, and it was getting harder and harder to keep his smile. But he got ready for the night out anyway because Liam was a cheery force to be reckoned with. He dressed in his usual black skinny jeans, black boots, and a white tank that hung off his body, cut low on the sides to show a lot of skin, it had a picture of some bikini-clad woman on the front. He scruffed his hair about and decided he looked okay. He sprayed on some deodorant and aftershave and went down to meet the others who were ready and waiting outside the bus.

“Finally, Styles. Getting bloody cold out here, you prick,” Niall said affectionately and wrapped his arm around Harry’s shoulders; they were the same height so it was easy enough.

They all walked along to the club strip, Harry trying to ignore Louis’ hand on Eleanor’s naked back; her dress was skimpy and backless and apparently Louis was taking advantage of that.

When they walked into the club, Harry let out a sigh of resignation and took one of the bottles Liam handed to him. They found a large circle booth in the V.I.P section and sat around it laughing and talking while they got buzzed enough to want to dance. Harry mainly just stayed quiet but he drank with the single-minded wish to be absolutely smashed. Once he was so drunk that he’d started joking with the rest of the group and laughing his overly-loud laugh, he decided it was time to dance and pulled Niall to the dance floor. They danced near each other until Niall found a pretty girl to grind on. So Harry looked around and saw a few people checking him out. He picked a tall, broad guy with blond hair, mostly because he was completely opposite to Louis. He winked at the guy and he smirked in response, making his way over to Harry.

“Hi,” Harry said into the guy’s ear to be heard over the music, a song which ironically enough was _Fuck You Betta_.

“Hey, you wanna dance?” The guy asked, his voice was deep and had a nice twang to it, and Harry found himself turning to press his back against the man willingly, letting his big hands grasp Harry’s hips tightly. “I’m Shane,” the guy said into Harry’s ear, he was taller than Harry by a few inches and built enough that he made Harry feel small and lanky. He kinda liked it.

“Harry,” he said back and the guy chuckled in his ear.

“Yeah, I figured, you’re all over my sisters bedroom wall,” he laughed and Harry blushed and laughed too. They danced lazily, but there was definitely a push behind it all. They both were angling for more, Harry could feel it, and he was about to prove Louis right because if he was going to be called a slut then he might as well at like it. He turned his head so his neck was arched and he could kiss Shane over his shoulder. The crowd was full enough that when Shane brushed his hand over the front of Harry’s jeans, he didn’t bother to stop him, just kissed him harder. Shane grabbed Harry’s hair, pulling it so that his neck arched and leant on his broad shoulder, and Shane could get access to Harry’s neck. Harry had his mouth open and breathing heavy, he probably looked like a porn star right now, and that’s when he looked up and met Louis’ furious gaze. He gave Louis a wink and a smirk and turned to grab Shane’s hand, leading him back to the men’s toilets, both of them going into the larger disabled one since they were both big guys.

Shane grabbed the back of Harry’s neck and kissed him roughly, making Harry moan in the back of his throat. Harry knew that this probably wasn’t the best way to get over Louis, but Harry deserved to have a bit of fun, Louis was sleeping with Eleanor after all so it was fair.

Harry slipped to his knees and unbuckled Shane’s belt, looking up at him with lust-filled eyes. Shane leaned back against the wall, his head back and one hand in Harry’s hair as Harry took him into his mouth, bobbing his head expertly. After a few moments Shane pulled him up and turned him to face the wall. Harry grabbed a hold of the assistance bars to keep himself standing as Shane tugged down his jeans and played with his body. He stroked Harry’s length and Harry shuddered and pushed into the touch hungrily. He quickly prepped Harry, having pulled a packet of lube out of his wallet along with the condom, and then he was pushing into him. Harry let out a ragged groan, it was a while since he’d done this, and he almost couldn’t process all the sensations. Shane was staying still, letting Harry adjust as he kissed up and down the curly haired lad’s neck.

“You okay, baby?” Shane whispered huskily and Harry took a deep breath and nodded. Shane started moving and Harry didn’t last all that long, Shane had the perfect angle and his large hand was pumping Harry's length firmly, it was taking everything Harry had just to stay standing. Afterwards they stood breathing deep for a few seconds before Shane pulled away and pulled off the condom, chucking it into the toilet and flushing it. Harry used tissue to clean himself up and buttoned his jeans back up before turning back to face Shane. He leant up to give the tall man a soft kiss.

“Thanks, that was fun,” Harry smirked into the kiss and Shane laughed.

“Yeah, it was. I won’t bother trying to give you my number, you wouldn’t call it anyway,” Shane said with a chuckle.

“Probably not,” Harry laughed and kissed him one last time before heading out of the cubicle and the toilets, they parted ways on the dance floor with a last kiss and Harry made his way back over to the circle table. Liam looked at him in amusement.

“I guess you had fun?” Liam asked with a laugh at the way Harry winced as he sat down, having to shift all his weight onto one hip.

“Hell yes,” Harry grinned. He risked a glance at Louis and found that he was snogging the face off of Eleanor, looks like Louis was trying to compete. Harry considered going back onto the dance floor and finding another person just to piss Louis off even more, but in honesty he was knackered, and kinda sore. So he just snuggled up to Liam, craving the affection that you don’t get with one-nighters.

“You smell like sex, Haz, it’s gross,” Liam said with a wrinkled nose but a smile to show he was joking.

“You’re just jealous,” Harry said back smugly and he saw Louis’ face harden slightly despite the fact he was still kissing Eleanor. “You’re just jealous you didn’t get fucked against a bathroom wall,” Harry continued, just to be an annoying little shit and piss Louis off more.

"I really didn’t need details,” Liam laughed, his face red with a slight blush.

“I sucked him off too,” Harry giggled, and this time just because it was funny watching Liam’s reactions; He covered his ears with his hands and started singing ‘la la la la la la’. Half an hour later they all made their way back to the bus but Harry stayed out-side to give Zayn company whilst he had a smoke.

“Have fun tonight?” Harry asked him.

“It was okay,” He shrugged and Harry frowned.

“You didn’t say all that much, just sat next to Li,” Harry continued.

“I dunno, just tired I think. Did you have fun?” Zayn asked carefully.

“I don’t know. I mean, I had fun dancing and, erm, other stuff, with that guy Shane. But all I could think about was Lou. I picked him ‘cause he was hot but also because he was the complete opposite of Louis,” Harry said with a chuckle. Zayn ruffled his curls affectionately.

“You’ll get over him sooner or later, Harry. Don’t worry. I’m off in, anyway, you coming?” Zayn asked, stepping up into the bus.

“In a minute, I just need some air,” He said with a soft smile and Zayn nodded and disappeared into the bus.

Ten minutes later Louis came out holding a cigarette and a lighter he’d obviously bummed off of Zayn, his hair a mess and his face solemn.

“Hey,” Harry said and Louis nodded back at him, coming over to sit on the low wall Harry was sat on. He lit the cig and placed it between his pink lips, taking a deep drag of the smoke, letting it out in a fast stream. “I hate when you smoke,” Harry said softly, playing with a stone he’d found on the floor.

“Well, I think I deserve one right now,” Louis sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Why?” Harry asked, looking at Louis’ face and stupidly curious to know what the older boy was thinking.

“You know, I hated seeing you leave with that guy. Hated knowing what was happening in the toilets. Hated that you were actually letting someone fuck you in the toilets, Harry, that’s just, beyond cheap,” Louis said, his face angry and frustrated. Harry stood up to leave.

“I’m really fed up of you making me feel like shit, Lou,” He sighed and started to walk away but Louis caught his hand, pulling him back so he sat down again.

“That’s not what I meant, Harry. I just mean that you’re worth more than that,” Louis said, finally meeting his eyes.

“So instead I’m worth being played with by you? Being treated like I mean something, then called a slut for it in the morning? Louis you need to get off your fucking high horse. I know for a fact that you just came out here for a smoke because you shagged Eleanor and you feel guilty because you thought of me during it,” Harry said and saw guilt flood Louis’ features.

“So what if I did? You thought of me while fucking that blond jock,” Louis shot back defensively.

“I did. Difference is I can deal with that. You can’t; hence the cigarette,” Harry said calmly. “But the fact is; I’m done with this. I’m done with you. I might think about you while I have sex with other people Louis, but in time that’ll go away. Because we don’t have anything between us anymore. We have a poisonous mess, that’s it, you never loved me. You never truly gave a shit if you hurt me, and I might be a slut, but I’m worth more than that,” Harry said, his voice still soft, but shaking with anger and sadness. He turned his back and walked back onto the bus, leaving Louis to smoke and deal with the fact that he’s just ended things. Harry had just made that final leap and told Louis that he was done with him.


	8. Stick Another Pill In My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from Undo by The 1975

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some lovely Ziam for you :)

They had been on the road for a week, since Harry had told Louis they were done, when Harry caught Liam and Zayn.

They’d all gone out to some arcades and Liam and Zayn had gone back early, claiming they were bored, and Harry had decided to go back too about an hour later, fed up of ignoring Louis’ bitchiness. Ever since that night, Louis laughed less, he smiled less, and he was a lot more difficult to be around, but Harry held firm, walking away whenever Louis invaded his personal space or tried to flirt with him. They had barely touched since that night, and Harry missed it, his heart ached with a need for Louis, but he refused to give up.

He’d climbed the steps into the tour bus and something, some noise, had caught his attention and made him turn his head. What he saw made him gasp and quickly cover his eyes, but he knew Liam and Zayn had both seen him now.

“Oh shit,” Zayn muttered, and Harry could hear them shuffling about trying to get clothes back on.

“Harry, we, we can totally explain this, um, we, um,” Liam stuttered.

“Have you got clothes on now?” Harry asked carefully.

“Yeah! Yeah we do,” Liam said quickly and Harry moved his hands to peak through his fingers at them, and when he was sure he wouldn’t see anything else he removed them completely.

“Okay. So . . . You guys are sleeping together then?” Harry said casually, but his mouth twitched and he couldn’t keep a laugh from escaping.

“I, I mean, we, erm,” Liam looked to Zayn for help but Harry could see Zayn’s lips twitch too and he laughed along with him.

“Can you just keep this quiet for a bit? We’re not really ready to tell everyone,” Zayn asked, smiling and kissing Liam’s temple, making the other boy blush and look at Harry warily.

“Yeah. I won’t tell anyone. You guys might want to be a bit better at hiding it though. It’s not exactly stealthy screwing Liam on the couch of the living area, Zayn,” Harry laughed and Liam covered his face in embarrassment but laughed too.

“Yeah, fair enough,” Zayn shrugged, scrubbing a hand through his messy quiff.

“You were supposed to be at the arcade!” Liam argued, waving his arms madly, and Zayn chuckled, pulling Liam against his chest and holding him there, Liam’s entire body relaxing, trusting that Zayn would hold him up.

“You guys look great together, I’m really happy for you,” Harry said softly, feeling a pang of envy in his chest. They looked so utterly infatuated with each other, and it made Harry want to cry and curl up into a ball because he wanted that so much, and the only person he could ever see himself being like that with was the one person who could never reciprocate. Liam met his eyes and saw what Harry wasn’t saying. He pulled away from Zayn’s arms softly so that he could hug Harry, and seconds later Zayn wrapped them both in a hug.

“You’ll be okay, Harry,” Zayn said softly. “We were scared when this started between us, but we figured out how we wanted to act and we did it, and that’s what you’re doing with Louis. You’ve been really strong, walking away as much as you have,” He continued and Harry nodded in response. He left the two of them alone a few minutes later, claiming he was just tired and needed to get to bed. But after he knew the two of them had gone back to bed, probably continuing what Harry had interrupted, he sneaked out of the bus, deciding to go to a club and try to drown his sorrows, pickle his loneliness with pure vodka.

The club was humid and smelled of a miasma of deodorants, perfumes, sweat and sex. He drank more than he should have and danced with a guy whose name he had forgotten after the guy had said it. They moved together and Harry could barely see straight, all the lights blurred together and he had a slight thought that maybe he’d been spiked, he didn’t think he’d drank enough to make him this bad; his head felt too heavy on his shoulders, lolling back onto the guys chest weakly, his arms and legs sluggish and not following any of his commands.

When the guy suggested they go outside for some fresh air, Harry slurred an agreement, craving cool air on his skin. The guy led him outside into a back alley and pressed him against a cold wall, Harry sighed in pleasure but got a little uncomfortable when the guy started kissing his neck.

“N-no I don’t feel too good,” Harry protested weakly, but the guy didn’t listen, shoving his hand down the front of Harry’s trousers. Harry pushed at him weakly, his body not working how it should, but the man just continued in his ministrations making Harry whimper in fear and frustration.

“Hey!” a voice called down the alley, making the man tense. “What are you doing?” The voice called and the man let go of Harry suddenly, running away down the opposite way and Harry wobbled slightly before falling to the ground, his trousers open and boxers shoved down, exposing him to the cold night air. But Harry couldn’t summon the energy to cover himself. “Shit, are you okay?” The mystery voice asked. But when Harry didn’t respond the guy carefully covered Harry back up but didn’t bother buttoning his jeans, just pulled him off the floor and into his arms. Harry could tell it was some big guy, probably a bouncer, but he couldn’t focus on anything more than that.

The man carried him through the crowded club to a back room and onto a lumpy couch, Harry felt the guy search his pockets and find his phone.

“Who should I call to come get you, kid?” The man asked and Harry chose that moment to lean over the edge of the couch and throw up. “Great,” the man said sarcastically, “Seriously kid, I need to know who to call?” he tried again and Harry tried to make his mouth work.

“Louis,” Harry said, but it sounded more like ‘ooh-eeeeh’.

“Louis?” the man asked and Harry nodded weakly, his head spinning so much he could barely think. He heard murmured voices and guessed that the man had rung Louis for him.

A certain amount of time later- Harry was too dizzy to even try guess how long it took- Louis came rushing into the room, Harry could vaguely see his worried face through the blurs. The big man who had helped Harry took him aside to talk to him but Harry could still hear them.

“Your little friend here was pretty out of it when I found him in the alley, there was some guy getting pushy with him. The guy was probably the one who spiked the kid’s drink. I stopped it before the guy could do much, I think, but when I found him his pants were down and it was obvious he hadn’t done that himself. I’d just take him home, let him sleep it off, then talk to him in the morning, help him figure out what the hell that dick did to him. Sorry I couldn’t have been more help, but I have to get back to the front doors,” The man finished, clapping Louis on the shoulder to Louis’ heartfelt ‘thank you’ and leaving them.

“Harry?” Louis said softly, reaching down to help Harry stand, but Harry couldn’t hold all his weight so Louis ended up pulling him onto his back piggy-back style, Harry’s head lolling weakly on his shoulder.

Louis carried him out, nodding thanks at the bouncer before walking back to their bus, it wasn’t far; Harry had walked to the club to get there earlier on.

Harry’s head was fuzzy but he vaguely remembers being put to bed, all the boys were awake and worriedly asking Louis questions. As soon as Louis laid him down he was asleep.

When Harry woke up in the middle of the night, Louis was beside his bed with a bucket ready for him to throw up in. And Harry threw up a lot through the night, passing out after he’d finished each time. But Louis was always there, with a cool flannel to wipe his forehead, and gentle fingers to stroke his cheek.


	9. It's My Party And I'll Cry To The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is from You by The 1975  
> (sorry i've just been to see them live and they were epic)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys are liking this so far :)

When Harry finally woke up for good it was 4 in the afternoon according to his phone. He turned over to find Louis sat on the floor beside his bed, playing a game on his phone, but at the sounds of movement from Harry he quickly turned off his phone and faced Harry with a gentle smile.

“My head feels like I got hit by a truck,” Harry said, his voice crackly and breaking horribly. Louis handed him a bottle of water and he sat up and drank it gratefully.

“Haz? How are you feeling?” Louis asked carefully and Harry gave a sharp bark of laughter that hurt his throat.

“Like shit, Lou. I was stupid and got spiked and almost raped in an alley, how do you expect me to feel?” Harry snapped, then sighed, regretting it. “Sorry, I’m just pissed off I guess.”

“It’s okay to be pissed off Harry, some guy . . . Some guy molested you and would have done a lot worse if he could,” Louis said and there were tears in his eyes.

“Don’t cry, Lou,” Harry whispered, wiping under Louis’s eyes with trembling fingers. Louis caught one of Harry’s hands and trapped it against his cheek.

“Can’t help it. It’s my fault you went out in the first place,” Louis said brokenly, nuzzling into Harry’s touch. “Now, come on. You need to eat something and you really need to drink more water,” Louis said briskly before Harry could talk to him about what he’d just said. He helped Harry to his feet, steadying him when his legs wobbled, and helped him walk to the dining area. Everyone else was seated around the table- Eleanor had left a few days ago- and Harry sat down carefully, his body still not completely his to command.

“How’re you feeling?” Liam asked him worriedly, and Harry just smiled softly in response. Niall looked like he was about to wrap an arm around Harry’s shoulders but changed his mind at the last second.

“I’m not traumatised, Niall. It was a close call, but I didn’t actually get raped,” Harry said bluntly, and everyone around the table winced at the word rape. Niall nodded and wrapped a tentative arm around him, and Harry snuggled into the hold, he’d always been a tactile and needy person and this wouldn’t change that.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Louis asked carefully, hands wrapped around a mug of tea.

“Not really,” Harry sighed, moving away from Niall to pick at the plain toast Zayn placed in front of him with a pointed look.

“Guys? Can you give me and Harry a second?” Louis asked softly, facing the others. They all stood up and wandered off to different parts of the bus, giving Harry a kiss or a hug or a ruffle of his hair as they left. Louis slid round so he was sat next to Harry and Harry just looked down at his toast silently until Louis put a hand under his chin to make him meet his blue eyes. Harry thought that he could get lost in them, and it wasn’t even a cliché, maybe he could get so lost that his heart simply forgot to beat? His lungs would stop helping him to breathe, his brain shutting down on a litany of ‘blue, blue, blue’.

“I don’t need to talk about what happened, Louis,” Harry whispered, still locked onto Louis’ irises.

“You might not, but I need it, Harry,” Louis admitted, brushing his nose against Harry’s in a soft Eskimo kiss that made Harry’s breathing stutter. It’d been a while since they’d really touched, and Harry missed it so much.

“Why?” Harry forced himself to ask, but placed a hand on Louis’ leg, wanting to be closer to the boy he desperately craved.

“Because I care about you, and when that bouncer rang I was so scared. I thought it was you and when it wasn’t I was so afraid you’d gotten into some kind of accident, that you were in the hospital or . . . or dead. I know that’s stupid and dramatic and over the top but . . . I realised just how much I couldn’t bear to lose you. And then he told me that that man had tried t-to rape you, and I just couldn’t stand the thought of you losing your innocence,” Louis admitted, tears shining in his eyes.

“I’m not so innocent, Lou,” Harry whispered, but leant forwards to press his forehead against Louis’.

“But you are. You have this light in your eyes, this love and sense of happiness. So many people lose that as they grow up, but you never have, you just keep on believing that things will get better,” Louis said, his voice filled with awe, and what Harry wanted to believe was love.

“Not lately. Not this last week, at least. Walking away from you has nearly killed me,” Harry whispered, closing his eyes in pain. “I can get over what happened last night, Louis. I was lucky, I was saved before any real damage was done, sure, I might be a little more cautious now, but nothing has really changed. But you, you’re so much harder to leave behind,” Harry whispered, opening his eyes again, green locking with blue.

“Then don’t leave me behind,” Louis breathed, and the words were so quiet that Harry almost didn’t hear them, but he did and the tears he’d fought so hard against, fell against his wishes.

“You know I have to, Lou. I can’t be your back up for the rest of my life,” Harry whispered back, his voice thick with the sobs he was trying to keep inside. Louis grabbed both his hands and held them between them.

“I broke up with Eleanor,” Louis’ words barely registered, Harry staring dumbly at him for seconds, maybe minutes, absolutely terrified.

“Y-you . . . You what?” Harry asked, his voice small, vulnerable, his battered heart laid bare.

“I couldn’t lie anymore, I don’t love her anymore. I mean . . . I did a little, but never enough. And I didn’t think it was fair to lead her on,” Louis said and Harry’s heart twisted in pain; so it wasn’t because of Harry.

“Oh,” was the only reply Harry could give, starting to pull away from Louis, but the smaller boy held him tight.  
“And because of you. When I got that call I was so relieved but so scared and I realised how stupid I’d been. You mean so, so much to me, and I could’ve lost you, and it would’ve been all my fault because I was the one who made you so angry and hurt that you’ve been spending every night you could at bars, getting drunk and shagging people who don’t treat you good enough. I’m not saying that I’m able to just come out and announce to the world that I’m . . . That I’m gay, or to really be your boyfriend. But I just cannot lose you, Harry. And I’m willing to work on things between us,” Louis finally finished, and Harry sat staring at him in hurt and hope, terrified to believe him, he was this beautiful creature that lulled you into believing his poisonous lies, and Harry had fallen for it too many times to count.

“How can I trust that you aren’t just going to hurt me again? That you’re not going to just treat me like shit the moment everyone else is around?” Harry asked, his face suspicious and filled with desperation. He needed something from Louis to prove that he wouldn’t abuse his trust; that he wasn’t going to run scared or leave him again.

“O-okay, that’s fair, I understand and I-” Louis started then stopped, widening his eyes as if he’d just had an idea. He stood up and moved to the aisle, pulling Harry along. “Guys?” Louis shouted and Liam, Zayn and Niall made their way curiously to them.

“What’s up?” Zayn asked, and followed as Niall and Liam sat down until the three boys were sat at the table and Harry and Louis stood in front of them, Harry’s face echoing their confusion. But Louis just looked determined, and a little scared.

“So, you guys deserve to know that I broke up with Eleanor,” He started and the other boys looked at him in shock and sympathy. “And that . . . Part of the reason I did it, was because,” he paused looking up at Harry for reassurance, and Harry smiled even if he didn’t know what Louis was about to say. “Because I have feelings for Harry.”

“No shit,” Niall said, smiling, and Liam and Zayn were grinning too, proud of Louis for this. Harry had started crying again like a massive idiot, but he’d never thought Louis would admit to that, to the point where Harry had doubted whether he cared at all. Louis reached over and determinedly held Harry’s hand, squeezing tight, and Harry turned and threw himself on the smaller boy, clinging to him with a watery smile and tear-tracked cheeks.


	10. What Happened To Just Mess Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> title from Girls by The 1975

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like it when Louis's a little shit <3

3 days later and Louis was ill, and in typical Louis fashion he was making things difficult for everyone. At the moment he’d decided to walk outside in bare feet, their security guards trying and failing to convince him that he needed to wear shoes. He was sulkily wandering around a carpark, occasionally waving at fans but mostly just acting like a two year old. Harry sighed and climbed out of the bus to have a turn at persuading Louis after Liam had just come storming in with a frown, exclaiming that Louis could bloody freeze for all he cared. Liam didn’t really mean it but Harry sympathised, he knew how difficult Louis was about certain things, well, most things actually.

He walked up to where Louis was now playing on his phone, hip cocked, and a moody pout still on his face. He glanced up as Harry came over but still didn’t smile. His eyes were red rimmed and his nose was pink and raw at the end from him rubbing at it so often. His usually tan skin had dulled and taken on a sickly edge. He looked miserable.

“You gonna come inside, Lou?” Harry asked softly, stopping close in front of him, but not too close as they had hoards of screaming girls over-looking their every move. 

“FEEL BETTER, LOUIS!” an extremely loud girl shouted, and Louis looked over at the fans, his face softening slightly.

“You should really wear some shoes, Lou-Lou,” Harry hinted carefully and Louis frowned at him. 

“Why? I don’t want to,” Louis said haughtily, but his voice was cracked and husky from his sore throat. He turned his back on Harry and started stomping off, and when he looked back to see Harry following him with a determined expression, he quickened his pace until eventually Harry was simply chasing after a fast running Louis. The fans were laughing and ‘aww-ing’ at their actions but Harry was just getting frustrated with the little shit.

“Louis! For god’s sake, Lou, just put some bloody shoes on! There’s glass, and it’s cold!” Harry shouted but Louis just stuck his tongue out and dodged another of Harry’s grabs, his little body worming away before Harry could get a good hold.

“Shoes are just another form of oppression! Piss off. I don’t wanna wear ‘em!” Louis shrieked as Harry almost caught him, but he ran off again, this time towards where the fans were congregated behind a big fence, they cheered as the two boys ran closer. 

Louis grabbed hold of the fence and Harry wrapped his arms around his waist, trying and failing to pull him off.

“Hello, ladies,” Louis said calmly as if he wasn’t clinging to a fence with a swearing Harry pulling at him. The girls all giggled and cried, taking photos and telling the boy’s that they loved them; Harry gave them a tired smile and gave one last yank, finally separating Louis from the fence and literally carrying the pouting boy back to the bus. “You suck,” Louis whined as Harry forced him to go up the stairs into the bus. Harry leaned down to whisper in Louis’s ear.

“Only for you, boo,” he said with a smirk, making Louis blush and move quickly into the bus so that Harry wasn’t so close, making Harry laugh deeply.

They’d spent the last 3 days almost entwined around each other, like they were desperate to crawl into each other’s skin and stay there. They hadn’t slept together yet, and Harry was a little relieved about it. The last time they’d slept together had been almost 3 years ago, and Harry was nervous about it, was terrified that they wouldn’t have that chemistry anymore, that it’d be awkward. Louis was ill obviously, so that helped to kind of cock block the two of them as Harry couldn’t even kiss him on the lips. Their vocal coaches and other staff and explicitly warned all of the boys not to get too close to Louis for fear of the entire band getting whatever virus poor Louis had caught. 

Harry got to the top of the steps and glanced around; sighing when he noticed Louis had shuffled into his bunk and closed his curtain, knowing the boy was most likely sulking. Harry took another resigned sigh and made his way over to the bed pulling back the curtain slightly to see Louis swaddled in blankets and facing the wall.

“Lou?” Harry murmured, reaching a hand in to run his fingers through Louis’s hair softly, Louis ‘humphed’ and tugged his covers over his head sulkily. Harry waited for a second then closed the curtain again, turned around and walking to sit with the lads at the kitchen area table. 

“He in a bad mood?” Zayn asked, reaching over to steal one of Liam’s cookies as he said it. Liam turned a pouty face on him in response to which Zayn shot him a smirk and a wink, making Liam blush deep red and look back down at his remaining cookies with a soft smile. Niall shook his head at the two of them with a chuckle; they all knew by now, Louis and Niall had figured it out not long after Harry, and they’d all decided to keep it within the 5 of them.

“Yup,” Harry said, popping his lips on the ‘P’ and sitting down next to Niall with a frown. “He’s a right little sod when he’s ill,” Harry continued, cuddling into the arm Niall placed around his shoulders.

“I can definitely agree with that,” Liam said wryly, rolling his eyes, and Harry reluctantly smiled. Harry was silent in thought as the other boys chatted amongst themselves and he smiled as an idea came to him. 

“What time is it?”Harry asked to anyone.

“Like half past 5, why?” Niall answered after glancing at his phone.

“I just have an idea about how to cheer Louis up. Do me a favour, could you guys go out tonight for a few hours?” Harry asked then blushed when he realised how that sounded.

“If cheering Louis up means you guys having some weird sex-a-thon in the bus, then please just stay away from my bunk,” Niall said, stealing one of Liam’s cookies and shoving the whole thing in his mouth. Liam frowned and reached over to punch Niall in the shoulder, making Niall squawk and rub his arm in pain. “Why can Zayn have one but not me?!”

“Do you really want me to answer that question?” Liam asked with a slight blush but a lot of mischief, Harry chuckled, proud at how much they’d corrupted the boy who’d previously been so innocent he’d boarded on boring. Niall stuck his tongue out with a disgusted expression.

“I am seriously not ok with the amount of incest in this band, guys,” Niall said with a cute frown.

“We aren’t related, you dummy!” Zayn said with exasperation. Zayn’s usual state with the rest of us was pure exasperation, especially when it came to knowledge.

“I don’t care, all I know is that you lot are shagging and I’m here with only my hand for company,” Niall said, rolling his eyes and Zayn laughed in response.

“You could always join in, Niall,” Harry said with a giant grin and Niall quickly stood up and back away from him.

“Keep that fuckin’ trouser snake away from me, I’ve fuckin’ seen you naked and I’m bloody impressed that Louis didn’t run a mile when faced with that thing,” Niall said with a horrified expression.

“So you don’t want me ‘cause my dick’s too big?” Harry questioned with an even bigger grin and Liam groaned in embarrassment.

“Well I don’t fuckin’ like dick anyway, you twat, so why in god’s name would I want one that could destroy me?” Niall asked, wide-eyed and serious and Harry couldn’t handle it anymore, he burst out laughing so hard that his cheeks were tracked by tears and he slid off of the couch clutching his stomach.

Louis came stomping down the hallway, face scrunched up in a frown of annoyance and he walked over to kick Harry in the hip. Harry grabbed his calf, and whilst still laughing, pulling him down and between his legs so his back was to Harry’s chest, and Harry then wrapped all his limbs around him in an octopus hug. Louis sat frowning but compliant against him as Harry kept chuckling.

“Niall’s scared of my monster cock,” Harry giggled into Louis cheek and Louis rolled his eyes.

“What?” Louis asked in bafflement and slight resignation like he knew he was getting dragged into their idiocy.

“Seriously, Lou, I don’t even know how you handle that shit,” Niall frowned whilst rifling in the cupboards for a bag of Doritos. 

“What the hell have you boys been talking about?” Louis asked, wide eyed.

“Niall says he’s pissed ‘cause he only has his right hand- shit you’re left handed aren’t you? Do you wank with your left then?” Harry paused.

“Ambidextrous with wanking,” Niall said with a smirk around a mouth full of Doritos and Harry raised his eyebrows, impressed.

“Anyway, says it’s not fair that he’s the only one having to beat one off alone, so I invited him to join us,” Harry finished with a giggle.

“Uh, no offense, Niall, but I’d rather not,” Louis said with a cute little frown that Harry wanted to kiss, then he remembered he was allowed now and grinned before leaning forwards to do just that.

“Would’ve thought you’d take all the help you could get,” Niall muttered as he walked down the hall and into the toilet and Harry burst out laughing again, falling backwards so his back hit the floor and he wrapped his arm around his middle, the other hand going up to cover his mouth. Louis turned with a grumpy pout and hit him in the stomach so he ‘oomphed’ and stopped laughing.

“I don’t find this funny,” Louis snapped and Zayn chuckled, making Louis snap his head around to glare at the other boy instead.

“I do. You were so far in the closet that Harry had to practically dismantle the actual fucking closet around you to get you out, so I think it’s fair that you’re the butt of the gay jokes, both literally and figuratively,” Zayn smirk and Harry barked out a sharp laugh but slapped his hands over his mouth to stifle it. Liam wasn’t showing the same restraint and was now laughing hysterically into Zayn’s shoulder as Zayn looked at a thunderous Louis with a calm expression and a small smirk.

“You can stop bloody laughing, because if I remember rightly it wasn’t me was a whiny little bottom boy,” Louis said with an evil little look at Harry and Harry hit his shoulder with a ‘hey’.

“Would’ve figured with your arse it would’ve been the other way around,” Zayn said with a shrug and leant down to press an absent minded kiss to Liam’s temple.

“Thanks,” Louis said sarcastically and Harry frowned.

“What’s so wrong with being a bottom?!” Harry demanded with a pout. Louis tried to hide his smile behind a soothing look but barely managed it.

“Nothing baby, you bottom so prettily,” Louis said with an overly sweet tone. Liam lost it completely then, putting his head down in his arms on the table and laughing hard. Zayn grinned wide, petting Liam’s shoulder consolingly. 

“It’s been a few years Lou, wonder if I’m even prettier at it now,” Harry purred with a lazy gaze that made Louis’ breath visibly catch. 

“You two not . . . Gone that far again yet?” Zayn asked, his face more sensitive now, his voice serious.

“No,” Louis said softly, a light blush staining his cheeks. Harry leant forwards and kissed the taint, Louis cuddling back into him willingly.

“This isn’t something simple any more, rushing it might just fuck it up, and neither of us wants that,” Harry explained and he hugged Louis’s smaller, curvier body against his.

“I don’t think you could, you know. You’ve kinda gone through too much for either of you to just give up now,” Liam said reassuringly and Louis smiled a soft little smile that tugged at Harry’s heart. 

“Thanks,” Louis whispered, twining his fingers in Harry’s. 

“Anyway, I think Niall might become traumatised if he catches us going at it like he caught you two the other day,” Harry laughed and Liam threw the couch pillow at him.


	11. Settle Down, You Know I Can't Be Found Around You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from Settle Down by The 1975

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you like it <3

The lads left to go to some pub Niall had heard about from some of the older fans, and the staff were all out doing their own thing, so Harry and Louis sat alone cuddled up on the couch in the entertainment area of the coach. Harry sat with his back against the cushions, Louis cradled between his legs with his back to Harry's chest. Harry trailed his fingers up and down the tops of Louis’s bare arms, feeling the goosebumps that sprung up from the touch, before leaning forwards to press close-mouthed kisses against the skin at the back of Louis’s neck.

“Why did you ask everyone to go out?” Louis murmured, eyes still watching the re-run of Friends that was playing on the telly. Harry paused in his actions.

“Um . . . How did you know?” Harry asked slowly.

“I’ve been your best friend for 3 years, Haz, I think I know a little about your tactics,” Louis answered with a soft smile and Harry leant around to kiss his cheek.

“Want to spend some time just us. I know you’re miserable ‘cause you’re ill and I wanted to cheer you up. Plus, I have some plans . . .”Harry said, squeezing Louis tight and making him squeak in protest.

“What kind of plans?” Louis giggled out as Harry blew raspberries into his neck.

“Not telling,” Harry stated with a sly grin and Louis rolled his eyes and turned around so he was on his knees facing Harry between Harry’s long, jeans-clad legs.

“Bet I could make you,” Louis said with a mischievous smirk, leaning in as if to kiss Harry but had to lean back and sneeze twice, before rubbing at his pink nose with a miserable pout. Harry chuckled.

“Maybe if you weren’t so poorly-sick-and-dying right now,” Harry laughed, leaning forwards to kiss Louis’s forehead.

“Fine,” Louis muttered sulkily, snuggling back down into Harry’s arms with a miserable sigh.

After one more episode of Friends, Harry judged the sky to be dark enough for what he had planned and gently nudged Louis so he sat up, his sleepy expression causing warmth in Harry’s chest.

“Come on, Lou, put your shoes and coat on,” Harry murmured, nudging Louis into standing and towards where his coat and shoes were. Louis put on his coat but cast a look at Harry that spelled mutiny about the shoes, so Harry walked over and pushed Louis so he was sat down on the chair. Then he got down onto his knees and forcibly put Louis’s shoes on for him, Louis silent and pouting above him.

Once Harry had gotten ready himself, he slid a hat onto Louis’s head, and then led him outside into the dark.

“Where are we going?” Louis asked peevishly but Harry simply shushed him with a grin, pulling Louis along by his hand since no one was around.

Harry crossed the road and dragged Louis down multiple streets until he found the front door to the posh hotel he’d rang earlier, asking their permission for him to play in their hotel for a little while. They’d been eager to please him in the hopes he’d use them for future stays in the city.

Harry led Louis to the lift Louis frowning and looking confused and annoyed at all the secrecy. When Harry pressed the button for the top floor and Louis looked at him suspiciously, like he thought Harry had gotten them a fancy room for them to fuck in.

Harry pulled Louis out of the lift when they got to the top floor, quickly leading him to a room at the end of the hallway that had been left ajar for Harry by the staff.

When Harry pulled Louis into the room, he felt Louis tense.

“Haz? I know we’re like, trying things out again and I really, really appreciate the effort, but I’m kinda sick and I dunno if I’m really ready for-” Louis’s nervous voice was cut off by Harry’s chuckle.

“I didn’t bring you here for a shag, Lou. Just sit on the bed, okay?” Harry asked, looking at Louis with wide eyes that Louis searched before deciding to trust him and padding over to the bed to plop himself down on top of the covers. Harry smiled softly at him before walking over to the edge of a curtain that covered the entire wall at one side of the room. He shot Louis one more smile before tugging at a rope, letting the curtains slide fully open to reveal a glass wall that gave a beautiful view of the thousands of sparkling lights of the city. Harry hear Louis gasp softly, and heard him slide off the bed and come padding over the carpet on bare feet- he must have kicked his shoes off when he got on the bed- and he pressed his palms flat against the glass, nose almost pressed against it too in his enthrallment.

Harry smiled, biting hit lower lip to stop the happy giggle that wanted to escape. He was proud of himself; he still knew how to make Louis happy, even after all this time. He walked over slowly, moving to stand behind Louis, hands pressed flat to the glass on the outside of Louis’s smaller hands.

“It’s so pretty,” Louis whispered in a small, awed voice. Harry leant in and kissed the crown of his head before leaning his chin there gently.

“Wanted to cheer you up,” Harry murmured back, his voice deep in the relative silence. Louis reached to grasp around Harry’s wrists and used the hold to pull Harry’s arms around him so he was cuddled up in Harry’s long limbs, their fingers entwined at Louis’s sides.

“You always do,” Louis whispered, leaning his head back into Harry’s shoulder, prompting Harry to press a soft kiss to his temple. Harry felt so . . . content in that moment, apart from one thing. There was something he wanted to tell Louis with every fibre of his being, but he just wasn’t sure how Louis was going to react. He took a deep breath, steadying himself.

“Lou?” Harry murmured against the soft skin of Louis’s cheek, brushing his lips down and over the stubble on his jaw.

“Yeah?” Louis said on a happy sigh, making Harry smile, his nerve calmed a little.

“I love you,” It was a breathy whisper, a barely there sound that was lost in the air the second it left his lips, and Louis turned his head, arching his neck, to look up into Harry’s eyes with his own blue eyes wide and shining.

“I love you too . . . never really stopped, not from the second I met you,” Louis finally murmured, and there was such intense vulnerability in his eyes, in the shaking of his lower lip that he tried to hide by biting down on the traitorous muscle, but Harry saw. Harry leant forwards and pressed his forehead against Louis’ and Louis closed his eyes on an exhale.

“You’re the only person I’ve ever truly loved, and I’m never going to let you forget that, no matter how many times you get scared and run away,” Harry said, his lips almost brushing Louis’s with every syllable. Louis gave a humourless laugh at that, his now open eyes filled with something akin to pain.

“I never really had a chance, did I?” Louis asked and Harry gave him a slightly confused look in response. “I could’ve never outrun you. You were so close you were under my skin, and I had no say in the matter. From the moment we met, I was . . . I was actually probably in love with you the second I caught sight of that bloody curly hair,” Louis finished with a smile and a small laugh and Harry laughed in response.

“Do you mean when we officially met? On the X Factor? Or when we actually met, at the The Script concert?” Harry laughed. The way they’d actually met had always been a point of confusion for the fans. Most believed they’d simply met on the X Factor, but other dug deeper than that. At that concert so long ago when Harry had told the crowd of he and Louis being at the same gig, what the loud screams had almost drowned out, was the fact that he then followed that up with ‘and we met each other’, and some girls had caught it on tape, but not enough for people to truly believe it. Harry kind of liked that they didn’t for definite know that they’d met before the X Factor, it was like their little secret.

“Even at that concert, when you spilled your coke on my shoes, I was smitten. You were adorable, with your chubby cheeks,” Louis laughed, leaning up to pinch at the barely there fat of Harry’s cheeks. “It’s weird, when I think about how you used to look and how you look now,” Louis murmured, eyes dancing over the plains of Harry’s face with wide eyed interest. “I would say you got Neville Longbottom-ed by puberty, but that would imply you were ugly before. Really you just went from the sex appeal of a baby seal, to being, well . . . you,” Louis shrugged and Harry chuckled.

“You used to be taller than me, too,” Harry laughed and Louis pouted playfully, his eyes alight with laughter.

“It’s not my fault you have giant genes,” Louis replied haughtily causing Harry to laugh again, a sharp bark that he slapped his hand over to stifle and Louis grinned at him again; “Always loved that,” Louis murmured, looking at the hand Harry had put over his mouth. Harry blushed in pleasure and leant in to kiss the tip of Louis’s nose, making Louis press his lips together to slow down the grin that threatened to overtake his face.

“I love you, boobear,” Harry whispered, leaning in to press a soft kiss to Louis’s lips and Louis smiled against his mouth.

“You’re still a bastard for telling the fans about that bloody nickname,” Louis replied and Harry stuck his fingers into Louis’s ribs, tickling and making the older boy laugh and squawk manically.

“Say it back,” Harry laughed as Louis wriggled around in his hold.

“Okay, okay! I give! I love you too!” Louis gasped and Harry kissed him again, laughter pouring into each others’ mouths.


	12. The Ground Beneath My Feet Is Open Wide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is from Story Of My Life- One Direction, in honour of it being radio played for the first time today :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this taking so long, i have a stupid amount of assignments due at university :/  
> If you want to talk to me or ask me questions, my tumblr is http://thedeliciousrude.tumblr.com/

When they woke up that morning- back in the tour bus since they’d slowly made their way back late last night after standing and staring at the city for hours until Louis couldn’t deny his yawns any longer- they were greeted by smug grins from the other boys at the breakfast table.

“We didn’t fuck,” Harry said calmly as he sat down and handed one of the two cups of tea he had made to Louis. 

“Seriously?” Niall asked, actual shock in his voice and Harry frowned at him.

“He isn’t a perv, Niall, he was being romantic,” Louis snapped, reaching over to smack Niall on the back of the head. 

“Aw you’re such sappy little lovebugs!” Niall mocked, rubbing the back of his head.

“Piss off, Niall,” Harry said, but he was grinning widely, liking that they’d actually gotten to this, that they were being teased for being a cute couple. A couple. It was like a dream.

“Erm, guys?” Liam asked, his voice sounding nervous. Harry looked at him curiously and found that Liam was directing his gaze towards both Harry and Louis.

“What’s wrong?” Louis asked, his voice hard, like he sensed something bad was about to happen.

“I was just scrolling through my twitter and . . .” Liam looked uncomfortable, playing his fingers over the edge of his phone nervously. Zayn frowned at him and took his phone, looking at whatever had panicked Liam. When Zayn’s eyes widened, Harry felt his heart drop.

“Someone got a picture of you two holding hands and walking into some hotel last night.” Zayn’s voice was blunt, matter of fact, and it made it all the worse. Harry’s breath punched out of his lungs and he saw Louis visibly flinch.

“What?” Louis’ voice was a breathless whisper, filled with tremors. Harry didn’t know what to do. He wanted to hold Louis, to tell him it was okay, but Harry had the feeling that Louis might actually push him away if he tried.

“It’s blurry, really low quality. Really, it just looks like Louis holding hands with a guy that may or may not be Harry. They can’t prove it’s you two, but they can prove you were with a guy, Lou,” Zayn replied, his brown eyes wide with sympathy. Harry couldn’t help it, he reached out to take Louis’ hand, and even though he knew it’d probably happen, it still hurt his heart when Louis pulled his hand away. The other boys saw Louis do it, and they cast worried looks at Harry but he merely shook his head, not wanting to get into this with them here. 

Louis stood suddenly, thrusting a hand through his hair and looking around the room as if he was searching for something. He wouldn’t even meet Harry’s eyes. 

Louis suddenly thrust his feet into a pair of trainers by the door and left the bus, banging the door behind him. Not one of the boys said a word to try and stop him.

“Fuck,” Harry stuttered out on a shaky breath, tears collecting on his lashes to fall lazily down his cheeks. When Niall tried to put a hand on his arm Harry stood and moved away, scrubbing a hand over his tear streaked face roughly.

“Harry . . .” Liam trailed off sadly.

“It’s okay. Seriously. I . . . I guess I should’ve prepared for this, you know?” Harry muttered, feeling like he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs.

“No, this isn’t your fault. He’ll be okay in a couple hours once he’s calmed down,” Liam attempted to reassure him and Harry finally met his eyes, knowing his eyes were filled with heart ache, and his smile like broken glass.

“It’s my fault that he even has to deal with the whole sexuality thing, Liam. It’s my fault he broke up with El. It’s my fault he doesn’t understand himself. And it’s my fault he got caught on camera last night. A part of me knew that once people got suspicious he’d back away from me. I just . . . Fuck,” Harry swore as more tears broke his control and a sob slipped out, but when the boys made moves to stand up and surround him, he lifted his arms and shook his head, stopping them in their tracks. “I’m okay. I just need to process this, I guess. I mean, if this is how he reacts to a dodgy photo, imagine what he’d be like at the threat of someone knowing about our relationship? I should’ve never believed this could work,” Harry said, his voice filled with regret, the pain in his chest was almost unbearable.

“Harry, no. You can’t-” Harry cut Niall off with a downward slash of his hand, his face hard now, determined to mask his pain, to not seem any more pathetic than he already has.

“Look. You guys can’t honestly say you thought we’d work and end up together and public? Be realistic, that’s ridiculously naive. Me and Louis are just . . . Doomed. And the sooner you guys accept that, the better.” Every word tasted bitter in Harry’s mouth, but his head was spinning and his heart was shattering and shards were piercing his lungs and making it difficult to breathe. He knew that Louis hadn’t walked out just because he needed ‘time to think’, he knew Louis’ first instinct had been to get the hell away from Harry, and that hurt Harry’s heart more than he ever wanted to admit. “I think . . . I think I need to go out somewhere. If I’m seen with some other guy, then no one will think to link me and the guy holding Louis’ hand, then at least the Larry shippers won’t be too involved in proving we’re real. Then maybe Louis could make up some shit about him being so ill that he fainted and that guy was just a stranger helping him inside, I don’t know.” Harry pulled his phone from his pocket and he began scrolling through his numbers, trying to think of a guy that wouldn’t mind being his alibi. 

“Harry, please, just take a second and think about all this,” Liam begged, looking to Zayn for help but Zayn still had that thoughtful look on his face and Harry knew Zayn understood a lot more than the other boys did. Zayn and Louis were close; closer than Louis was to most people apart from Harry. Zayn was the one Louis told all his secrets to; even Harry didn’t get to know all of them.

“You know I’m right,” Harry forced out through his tight throat, looking directly into Zayn’s dark eyes.

“I don’t know anything, Harry,” Zayn murmured, but his eyes told Harry and different story. They were sympathetic. Zayn agreed with him, he knew Louis would never really deal with them possibly becoming public, and that would eat away at the relationship like it had done today. Harry nodded at him silently before clicking the name on his screen and raising his phone to his ear.

“Hello? Jamie?” Harry said down the phone.

-“Hey, Harry. Long time, no speak,” Jamie laughed in response. Niall looked at Harry with eyes that were sad with betrayal, but Harry knew he was doing what was best.

“I know! I’m so sorry, been busy with the tour,” Harry replied cheerily, trying his best to kick himself into flirt mode even though it felt wrong deep in his bones.

-“I can forgive you, maybe,” Jamie flirted lightly and Harry had to physically screw his eyes shut and pinch his arm to respond in kind.

“Maybe we could get together today for drinks and I could . . . make it up to you,” Harry replied, pouring sex into his voice, he knew he was laying it on thick but also knew that Jamie was always up for it without the risk of him wanting something more. Him and Jamie had had an easy friends with benefits situation for a while now, and they weren’t that far from where he lived.

-“That sounds great, Harry. We can meet in about an hour? That little pub by mine? You know, the one we um, had fun in the bathroom?” Jamie hinted and Harry blushed, his stomach churning a little. There was nothing wrong with what he’d done with Jamie, but the thought of doing that now, after he and Louis had attempted to start things up again, made him want to scream and throw up and cry all year.

“Yeah, I like the sound of that. See you then, babe,” Harry replied before pressing the end button. He stood there looking at the floor for a second, not knowing what to physically do with himself.

“Harry . . . you can’t do this,” Liam practically whispered, like he was scared to shatter the silence that had fallen when Harry ended that call.

“You know it’s the best thing to do,” Harry responded numbly, his voice dead to his ears.

“Don’t you dare fucking sleep with him,” Niall said then, and his voice vibrated with barely leashed anger, so much so that Harry actually lifted his head and looked at him.

“I won’t, Niall. I couldn’t. But the funny thing is that you think Louis isn’t out there right now, looking for a bird to shag. You see, when Louis gets scared, he does anything to reassure himself, and I know him enough to know he might just attempt to reaffirm his ‘straight-ness’. And you’re an idiot if you don’t believe that too,” Harry said almost conversationally before walking to the back of the bus to get changed and ready for his date with Jamie. His heart disintegrating with every step he took.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try update this and my other fic as soon as i can, i promise, i'd never abandon a fic   
> xXx


	13. You'll Drink Yourself To Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from 'Icarus' by Bastille :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i'm taking ages to update and i'm really sorry. You guy's comments have really been great and they've helped me a lot lately, thank you all for being awesome xx

 

Harry walked into the pub with a sinking feeling in his chest. Paps were already starting to gather outside the pub, so he knew it wouldn’t take long for his date with Jamie to be public knowledge. He saw Jamie sat at one of the small booths and smiled at him as he made his way over, slipping onto the opposite side of the table to him.

 

“Hey stranger,” Jamie grinned, his smile wide and gleaming white. Jamie was attractive, stupidly attractive. Harry had met him at a random after party here in the states once and they’d ended up keeping in touch. Jamie’s blond hair and brown eyes, plus his tall, muscled frame, meant he’d been hard for Harry to ignore. They’d ended up fucking in the club toilettes on the night they’d met. Harry paused and wondered if he really was the slut Louis had called him a while ago. He figured he probably was, and that made him feel as if dirt was literally caked on his skin, made him feel itchy and dirty. Made him think of the people who’d be disappointed in him, like his mum and sister. His poor mum would hate to think that her little boy lets strangers screw him in dirty public toilettes. Harry had to physically shake his head to get rid of the thoughts, at least for a little while.

 

“Hey, how’ve you been?” Harry asked with a fake smile, making sure to pop his dimples, he knew Jamie had a thing for them.

 

“I’ve been good, you?” Jamie asked and for a second Harry felt his resolve waver, but he forced himself to keep at this, to see this through and protect Louis, even if Louis wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

 

“I’ve been great, tour has been hard but I wouldn’t change it for anything,” Harry said with at least a little more honesty in his smile. Harry felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he smiled an apologetic smile at Jamie before pulling it out to check the screen. He had a bunch of texts.

 

LIAM- please, Haz  L xxx

 

NIALL- don’t be a DICK come bak home NOW

 

LIAM- Nialllls just upset, please come back 2 the bus xxxxx

 

ZAYN- don’t treat yourself like this, you’re worth more, man x

 

The last on made Harry want to cry, because he really wasn’t worth anything, all he did was sleep around and make Louis’ and the other boys’ lives difficult. Harry shoved his phone back in his pocket without replying, and as he and Jamie talked and got reacquainted, he felt it vibrate multiple times with more texts, but he refused to read them.

 

“So how about we go back to mine? I got a new TV and a bunch of DVD’s for it. We could cuddle up and enjoy a few?” Jamie said with a sly smile a few hours later, his fingers brushing up and down Harry’s where they lay on the table. Harry felt his chest tighten but he forced a smile and nodded. As they paid and walked out of the pub, Harry made sure to hold Jamie’s hand so that the paps could get a bunch of photos. As Jamie opened the passenger side of his car to let Harry in, he dipped in quick, and Harry hid his flinch as he met Jamie’s kiss, knowing that the paparazzi will be getting a hundred HQ photos of this moment.

 

When they got back to Jamie’s, it only took ten  minutes of Iron Man 3 for Jamie to pounce. He dragged Harry close, pulling him onto his lap, manhandling him where he wanted him. And Harry used to love this, feeling small around big guys. But he felt a deep longing for a boy who was shorter and slighter but could pin him down just as easy, if not better.

 

Harry kissed him back but when Jamie’s hand went down the back of his jeans, Harry had to pull away.

 

“S-stop,” Harry stuttered, pressing his palms to Jamie’s broad chest.

 

“What’s wrong?” Jamie asked breathlessly, his pupils blown out with lust.

 

“I can’t . . . do this,” Harry said lamely and Jamie cocked an eyebrow at him questioningly. “I can’t go further than a kiss, I just . . . can’t.”

 

“Why not? We have before. I thought that was why you wanted to meet up?” Jamie asked, lifting a hand to cup Harry’s jaw and the side of his neck.

 

“I- I kind of needed a bit of an alibi. Someone to kiss in front of the paps,” Harry explained sheepishly.

 

“Why did you need an alibi?” Jamie asked curiously, his brown eyes wide and intrigued.

 

“The person I was seeing didn’t want to be splashed across magazines, and people were close to finding out, so I needed to kind of throw off the scent,” Harry lied a little, sticking as close to the truth as he could. “But that person kind of walked out on me when things got a little too close to the light. I’m pretty sure they want nothing more to do with me, anyway,” Harry finished reluctantly, feeling the ache in his chest return.

 

“So then what’s stopping you from letting me fuck you until you don’t care about that person anymore?” Jamie asked, leaning forwards so his lips brushed against Harry’s jaw, causing shivers down Harry’s back. And Harry debated it, he thought about it, knew it’d be fun, that it’d feel good, but then he thought about what it meant. It meant truly giving up on Louis ever coming back to him, it meant making the other boys angry, and it meant reaffirming his status as a cheap slut.

 

“I can’t. I’m sorry,” Harry sighed and Jamie leant back so he was looking up at Harry again, his face contemplative.

 

“It’s cool. But . . . Whoever this person is, if they have you this tied up in knots about losing them, then you need to try get them back,” Jamie said and Harry laughed humourlessly.

 

“I think I’ve used up all my lives in this case, the screen is flashing ‘game over’ and I’ve got no more coins to feed the fucking machine,” Harry’s voice was bitter and he felt the prickle of tears behind his eyes, but he took a deep breath and forced them back.

 

“Okay,” Jamie replied softly, his eyes sympathetic. “You wanna stay here tonight? I promise not to come on to you,” he said with a soft smile.

 

“Yeah, that’d be great . . .  Thank you, for understanding,” Harry said quietly and Jamie leant forwards to peck him on the lips before helping Harry climb off his lap and onto the couch beside him, pulling him under his arm into a warm hug.

 

“We’re friends, Harry, don’t forget that,” Jamie finally said as he tugged a blanket over the two of them and refocused on the movie playing.

 

***

 

When Harry woke up the next morning, he felt his stomach lurch. He didn’t want to face the day, he wanted to stay wrapped up in warm bed sheets and under Jamie’s arm. They hadn’t done anything more last night, but Harry had admitted in his sleepy state that he couldn’t stand the thought of being completely alone, and Jamie hadn’t hesitated in offering his arms for the night.

 

Harry sat up to find Jamie awake and scrolling through his phone, he gave Harry a quick smile and Harry smiled back whilst pushing his hair off of his face, fingers tangling in the curly mass.

 

“I’m now getting thousands of tweets from emotionally unstable teenagers,” Jamie said with a teasing grin and Harry rolled his eyes.

 

“Yeah sorry about that,” He replied whilst reluctantly picking up is mobile and feeling his stomach churn at the sight of all the texts he had.

 

LIAM- harry, seriously, when are you coming bakkk?

 

NIALL- you twat, if you sleep with him I’ll rip your dick off

 

LIAM- its gettin late, haz

 

NIALL- Louis came back

 

LIAM- Louis is back and he wants to know where you are

 

ZAYN- you need to come home, Louis is going crazy

 

LOUIS- where the fuck are you

 

NIALL- Liam told him where you are, he’s smashing shit

 

Those were all last night and Harry felt his breathing accelerate in utter fear. Harry scrolled to the texts from this morning.

 

NIALL- fuck you, haz, fuck you

 

LIAM- I’m so sorry, he’s really mad, he’s coming over, he got the address off one of the fan’s twitters

 

ZAYN- good luck

 

Harry looked up from his phone and scrambled out of the bed so fast he tripped and face planted.

 

“What’s wrong?” Jamie asked in shock, sitting up to check if Harry was okay, but Harry just stood back up and ran around finding his clothes and pulling them on in a rush.

 

“Erm, my friend is coming over and he’s pissed that I stayed out last night without letting anyone know where I was. He got your address off a fan,” Harry lied, buttoning his jeans just as someone started banging on the front door and shouting Harry’s name in a voice that sounded suspiciously like Louis’. “Fuck,” Harry muttered and made his way to the front door. “Please get dressed,” Harry begged Jamie as he walked away. He opened the door mid one of Louis’ shout and came face to face with Louis’ wide, crazed eyes, his chest heaving, his skin flushed with anger and exertion.

 

“Hi,” Harry whispered and Louis stepped forwards to slam his hands into Harry’s chest, shoving him back into the house and against a wall so Louis could storm passed him and down the hall. “Louis wait!” Harry shouted desperately, rushing to follow Louis. He found Louis in Jamie’s bedroom, hand on Jamie’s throat pressing him hard into a wall, his face filled with thunder. Jamie looked a little red but not as angry as Harry would have expected.

 

“Guessing it was Tomlinson who you were seeing?” Jamie choked out passed Louis’ hold. Harry rushed forwards to grasp Louis’ writ and attempt to pull him away but Louis merely tightened his hold.

 

“Lou, you need to calm down!” Harry begged.

 

“I’m not fucking doing nowt you say. I’m going to beat the shit out of the guy you let fuck you, that’s what I’m fucking going to do,” Louis growled and Harry swallowed hard.

 

“He didn’t fuck me, Louis! All we did was kiss, I swear! I stayed here so I wouldn’t have to face you after yesterday, please Louis, let him go,” Harry begged, still holding onto Louis’ forearm tightly.

 

“Bullshit. You fucked him. You’re a little lying slut. I fucking trusted you, Harry. I never even thought of being worried you’d cheat, I never thought you’d do that to us, to me,” Louis spat, his eyes filled with anger but Harry could see the sadness, the betrayal lingering behind the cerulean blue.

 

“I only fucking kissed him!” Harry almost screamed, feeling utterly desperate.

 

“That’s still fucking cheating, Harry! And I don’t even fucking believe you,” Louis snapped back.

 

“You’re so frustrating! I’m sorry I kissed him! But you walked out, Lou. You . . . you walked away from me,” Harry’s voice cracked on the last few words and he couldn’t stop a few rebellious tears from escaping his control. Louis’ gaze flickered to Harry’s eyes for the first time and he saw that Louis hated the tears, hated that they made him want to soften for Harry.

 

“I needed to clear my head, Harry. That doesn’t give you the right to go sit on some guy’s dick,” Louis said, his voice hard, but his eyes were wavering.

 

“I didn’t, Louis. And I’m not stupid. You didn’t just want to clear your head,” Harry said and he made it clear with his eyes that he knew Louis had needed an escape, preferably a female one. Louis flinched slightly at that.

 

“I didn’t fuck someone else,” Louis insisted harshly. And Harry knew. Louis had done something, even if it wasn’t the full thing. He felt it like a vice around his heart, but he forced himself to be calm.

 

“What did you do?” Harry murmured. Louis’ gaze flickered everywhere it could as long as it didn’t meet Harry’s.

 

“I just . . . went to some club, had some drinks,” Louis whispered.

 

“Alone?” Harry asked, knowing the answer.

 

“No . . . With a girl I met on the dance floor,” Louis admitted and his hand loosened on Jamie’s neck until he finally let go. Jamie rubbed at his neck with a grimace and Harry shot him an apologetic look.

 

“And what happened?” Harry forced himself to ask. He didn’t want to know. Never wanted to know. But at the same time, he desperately needed to know every detail.

 

“Can we go somewhere alone?” Louis asked instead of answering, shooting a pointed look at an annoyed looking Jamie. Harry nodded and Louis started to walk out of the room, but when Harry didn’t immediately follow, he turned back to grab Harry’s wrist and forcibly drag him out.

 

“I’m sorry, Jamie. I’ll text you!” Harry shouted over his shoulder as they left the house and Jamie shut the door behind them.

 

“No you fucking wont,” Louis murmured and Harry shot him a glare.

 

“I’ll talk to him if I want, Lou. I’ve been friends with him for ages,” Harry defended.

 

“And how long of that time have you two been fucking?” Louis asked dryly and Harry felt something inside him snap.

 

“Since the night I met him, actually,” Harry replied primly, raising a challenging eyebrow and Louis literally growled. Growled. Like a wild animal. Harry looked at him in shock and Louis shoved him into the SUV.

 

“Do you not know how to keep your trousers higher than your ankles or something?” Louis snapped as he sat behind the wheel and started the engine. Harry had had enough.

 

“So what did you do with that girl, then? Play fucking chess?” Harry snapped and Louis visibly paled.

 

“She . . . She sucked me off in the toilettes,” Louis murmured reluctantly and Harry saw red. He turned and punched Louis’ arm with all his strength causing Louis to curse and swerve to a stop at the side of the road. Once the car stopped Harry threw himself out of it, resigning himself to walking the rest of the way home. He started walking down the side of the road and he heard Louis running after him, shouting his name, but he didn’t stop. Louis’ arms suddenly wrapped around his middle, trapping his arms by his sides and hauling Harry to a stop. Harry thrashed but couldn’t pry himself loose.

 

“Get the FUCK off of me,” Harry spat venomously, but Louis’ grip didn’t loosen.

 

“Just listen to me! I didn’t mean for it to happen!” Louis almost shouted, his breath blasting over the back of Harry’s neck in scorching waves that made him want to curl into a ball and die.

 

“You’re such a fucking hypocrite! All I did was kiss Jamie and stay at his house! You let a girl suck your dick! You called me a lying slut and it’s you who was the slut, not me!” Harry screamed, feeling hot, angry tears slide down his cheeks.

 

“I was drunk! I was scared and stupid and drunk, Harry,” Louis pleaded, his chest hard against Harry’s back.

 

“So that excuses it?” Harry asked incredulously. “If I’d been drunk last night and let Jamie fuck me, would that have been an excuse?”

 

“No, and that’s not what I mean. I was terrified, Haz. I was fucking terrified of us. Terrified that I’d be labelled the gay one and that’s all I’d ever be. Terrified of how people would judge me,” Louis admitted sadly. Harry stopped struggling and slumped back against Louis.

 

“They judge me already, Louis. I’m the huge slutty one, remember?” Harry said in a numb voice.

 

“I shouldn’t have called you a slut, Harry. I’m really, really fucking sorry for that. I was just upset and angry. I didn’t mean it,” Louis apologised, pressing his lips to the nape of Harry’s neck.

 

“It’s fine, you were right anyway. I . . . I don’t even deserve to have this relationship, so it’s probably a good thing that it played out like this,” Harry could barely push the words out, a broken whisper that Louis still heard clearly.

 

“Don’t you fucking dare give up on us, Harry. Don’t you bloody dare,” Louis replied, his voice shaking with emotion, his arms holding Harry so tight that he could barely breathe, but Harry didn’t even think of complaining.

 

Part of him was sure that this would be the last time that Louis ever held him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd love to hear any thoughts you had on this, your comments really make my day xx


	14. I Trip To Feel Alive And Die To Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from 'Raise the dead' by Rachel Rabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys :) Sorry this took so long, but i have a bunch of assignments due in in the next week (which i should actually be doing now but i decided to update instead). Thank you for being so supportive and amazing :) hope you enjoy this update <3

 

When Harry had silently allowed Louis to pull him back to the SUV, let him drive back to the other boys, let him chat with them like nothing had happened- ignoring the knowing looks in their eyes- whilst he silently screamed in his head. Harry shouted out all the anger in his head, spat curses at the back of Louis’ head, hated him for forcing Harry to feel so deeply for someone. Niall looked at Harry and there must have been something in Harry’s eyes, because without drawing the attention of the other boys, Niall silently lead Harry to the back of the bus until they were alone behind one of the flimsy doors. Before Harry could speak, could make up some lie about being okay, Niall drew him into a tight hug and the second Harry’s chest touched Niall’s, he gave up. Harry slumped into Niall’s warm frame, hiding his face in the blond boy’s neck, and soaking up this little bit of comfort gratefully.

 

“I thought you were mad at me?” Harry asked Niall in a voice tight with the unshed tears Harry was keeping a strangle-hold on.

 

“I was but I know you didn’t sleep with that guy. Louis wouldn’t be like he was if you had. He’d be breaking everything within a 10 mile radius. But I’m not stupid, Haz. I figured from the way you look that something bad has happened,” Niall finished softly, tightening his hold on Harry.

 

“Louis got sucked off by some random girl in a club last night,” Harry murmured into Niall’s skin, scrunching his eyes closed at the horrible mental images caused by his own words.

 

“Fuck. I’m sorry, Haz. I feel like shit. We were all texting you to make sure you didn’t do anything and no one even thought to text Louis,” Niall said, his voice filled with guilt and apology.

 

“It’s not your fault that I’m the slut, Niall. It’s not your fault for putting your money on me doing that kind of shit,” Harry said tiredly. Niall pulled back and held Harry at arm’s length to look at him with eye filled with determination.

 

“Stop beating yourself up over nothing. I haven’t exactly been fuckin’ celibate, Harry. Difference is that cameras are more likely to catch you doing it. I’ve pulled almost every time you have when we’ve been out, and it sucks that it’s you that people blame. That’s just how shit turned out. And it’s not your fault, none of it. Harry, you can sleep with whoever the fuck you want. You’re single and you aren’t hurting anyone,” Niall said forcefully and part of Harry felt happy at Niall’s acceptance, the other half wanted to cry, and unfortunately it was that half that won over all.

 

“But I don’t want to be single,” Harry said, his voice cracking as a tear escaped his eye. Niall swore and pulled Harry back in for a hug.

 

“I know, man. This is all fucked up. Just . . . Come out with me and Zayn tonight, okay? We’ll take your mind off of all of this,” Niall said and Harry nodded.

 

***

 

That’s how he found himself dancing in a smoky club at 1am. He felt that weird dizzy numbness of alcohol in every cell of his body, had a second of thinking that maybe he’d drank too much, but pushed that away without really paying it attention. He turned when he felt hands on his hips and found a grinning Niall behind him.

 

“Nialler!” Harry yelled, wrapping his arms around the laughing lad.

 

“Suuuuuup bitch!” Niall shouted in his ear making Harry laugh sloppily on his shoulder. Niall was just as drunk as Harry so they stumbled under each other’s weight for a while whilst singing to the current song at the top of their lungs.

 

“OH THE BOY’S A SLAG, THE BEST YOU EVER HAD, THE BEST YOU EVER HAD IS JUST A MEMORY AND THOSE DREAMS!” Harry and Niall shouted together, laughing breathlessly against each other.  Suddenly Niall stopped singing to rummage in his pocket.

 

“Look what I got!” Niall shouted in Harry ear, opening his hand now to show harry a little clear bag containing two little pills. Harry couldn’t make out a colour or any words on them due to the club’s low lighting.

 

“What is it?” Harry asked, taking the single pill Niall gave him and looking at it curiously. Niall popped his on his tong and swallowed it with a swig of his beer before answering.

 

“Ecstasy. Got it from a guy I know, it’s safe, promise,” Niall said with a wide grin. Harry shrugged and popped the pill on his tongue, stealing Niall’s beer to swill it down.

 

An hour later, Harry was definitely feeling the effects of that little pill. He could feel the pulse of the music in his blood, feel it caressing his skin in a languish heat that soon became stifling. Harry lurched his way through the crowd and found Zayn sat at a booth talking to a couple guys. Zayn had a glass of water since he’d decided to be the sensible one tonight and Harry swiped it, swallowing it down almost desperately.

 

“Woah, Haz, you okay, man?” Zayn asked, placing a cool hand on Harry’s arm as he sat down on the booth beside him, resting his head against Zayn’s shoulder.

 

“’m good, ta,” Harry slurred and Zayn pressed a hand under Harry’s chin, lifting it and forcing Harry to meet his eyes.

 

“Fuck. Your pupils are huge, Harry. The fuck have you taken?” Zayn asked, his eyes filled with annoyance and a dash of worry.

 

“Sssstuff, Niall got it,” Harry grinned, a pleasant thunder in his chest with every beat of the base.

 

“Fuck sake. You two are ridiculous. Come on, we’re going back to the bus,” Zayn said with a sigh.

 

“Don’t wanna,” Harry pouted and Zayn grabbed his hand and forcibly pulled him from the booth, Harry sulkily walking behind him as he found Niall. Niall seemed to be even more buzzed than Harry and was currently up on stage swinging around a stripper pole with no sign of the vest he was wearing when they came. Harry giggled and Zayn let out a groan. Zayn pushed Harry down into a seat.

 

“Stay here,” Zayn said firmly to which Harry responded by sticking out his tongue. Zayn shook his head and went to corral Niall, eventually just grabbing him and throwing him over his shoulder. Harry took this as good distraction to escape and ran off with a laugh. Harry managed to find himself by the front door and ran out with a laugh. He stood on the path and looked at the people waiting in line who were laughing at him, a few of them having recognised him.

 

“Hi guys,” Harry called and got multiple hellos back. Harry glanced at the front doors and saw Zayn carrying Niall about to come out of the door and made a dash to hide behind some girls in the queue. The girls laughed but then made a good show of acting casual whilst trying to shield him from Zayn. Zayn squinted around for a few minutes- Harry could see him between the two girl’s legs from when he’d crouched on the floor.

 

“Harry get your drunk arse here NOW!” Zayn shouted and squinted at the people in the queue suspiciously. “Any of you happen to see a drunken Englishman running around?” Zayn sighed and the girls in front of Harry were obviously finding it hard to contain their laughter. Zayn stormed over to the girls in front of Harry with an “Excuse me, ladies,” and the girls parted to show a pouting Harry crouched on the floor. Zayn sighed and held out a hand which Harry took reluctantly. As Zayn led Harry away, keeping a tight hold of Harry’s hand and the back of a now loudly singing Niall, the people in the queue laughed and some took videos and pictures that Harry assumed would end up in the paper. So Harry turned around and waved good-bye for good measure, hearing Zayn sigh before he tugged sharply on Harry’s hand, forcing him to spin back around.

 

“I don’t know what you two were thinking to take that stuff,” Zayn sighed as they got further and further away from the main strip, only seeing people every few minutes in smaller and smaller groups.

 

“That Niall is fun and I wanted to forget that Louis got his cock sucked by someone who wasn’t me?” Harry slurred with a small smile, his senses feeling duller but at the same time like a lot of things were moving too quick for him to catch up. “I don’t GET it,” Harry pouted as confusion started to swim in his stomach, moving in faster and faster circles.

 

“You don’t get what, Harry?” Zayn asked carefully as they kept walking.

 

“How he could do that? I felt really bad when I saw Jamie. Like, really, really bad. Louis didn’t feel bad,” Harry said sadly, feeling like he wanted to cry.

 

“Come on, Harry. This is the drugs. You know that Louis feels awful about it,” Zayn said softly, trying to calm Harry’s swirling emotions.

 

“He doesn’t love me. Not surprised though. I’m stupid and slow and slutty and shit. All s’sssssss. And I make him sad. That’s another S,” Harry slurred out and Zayn looked at him with sad eyes.

 

“He does Harry. And you need to stop beating yourself up,” Zayn murmured, trying to meet Harry’s eyes but Harry had his head tilted as far back as it could go whilst still walking, staring up at the sky like it would give him answers.

 

“Bet he doesn’t even wanna fuck me. He never tried. Said he wasn’t ready. I wasn’t but I don’t think that’s the reason for him. He didn’t wanna cos I’m a guy. And probably cos he’s scared he’d get like an STI or something. What the fuck is the point? Why did I try, Zayn? It didn’t work out the first time, and it definitely won’t this time. All I’m good for are faceless fucks in club toilettes,” Harry sighed and his voice was even, resigned.

 

When they got back to the bus, Zayn attempted to shush them as much as possible but Liam came stumbling out of his bunk anyway, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Zayn finally let go of Harry’s hand and dumped Niall on his own bunk where he began to snore like a chainsaw, before settling himself in Liam’s arms.

 

“Did you two ever resent each other?” Harry asked suddenly, his brain to mouth filter having been short circuited by that stupid little pill. Zayn looked at Harry with sad eyes, but it was Liam who responded.

 

“I got a little mad at him sometimes. Mostly just because I was scared, though,” Liam said honestly and Zayn pecked him on the jaw in response.

 

“I honestly didn’t give a shit that he was a guy. Never really bothered me. I was more afraid that I’d mess up our friendship,” Zayn answered and Harry nodded.

 

“Me and Louis have never really worked as friends or more than that. But can’t let go of each other either. So there’s nothing for us to ruin, really. We’re both just used to being bad for each other, I guess,” Harry sighed as he sat down on the couch next to Liam and Zayn.

 

“Your eyes . . .?” Liam murmured looking at Harry.

 

“Niall found a friend who supplied them with some pills that Harry thinks was Ecstasy,” Zayn explained and Liam looked really worried for some reason that Harry couldn’t understand.

 

“Drugs . . . Drugs aren’t the answer, Haz,” Liam murmured, looking at Harry with his wide brown eyes filled with concern.

 

“Maybe, but at least I didn’t think about bad stuff for a little while,” Harry shrugged.

 

“You didn’t think about Louis?” Liam murmured sadly.

 

“Of course I did, stupid. He’s the happiest thought I have. I just missed out all the shit like him letting a girl suck him off in fucking toilette. I just . . . thought about his eyes. I thought about kissing him. About how fluffy his hair is in the morning,” Harry whispered the last few words, wrapping his arms around himself. “I love him more than I thought was possible. Makes my lungs hurt cos I can’t get enough air, you know?” Harry looked to Liam and Zayn in question. And surprisingly Liam shook his head.

 

“No. The way I love Zayn is . . . warm, it’s easy and settles in my bones like I’ve always known it,” Liam murmured and Zayn pressed his smiling mouth against Liam’s shoulder to stifle it.

 

“I wish we were like that,” Harry said sadly, “But me and Louis were obviously destined to hurt each other. Even loving him feels painful,” Harry shrugged but he felt that pain return to squeeze around his heart.

 

“Maybe . . . Maybe you and Louis should let it go,” Liam whispered and Zayn looked at him in shock.

 

“Maybe you’re right,” Harry’s voice was so small that it threatened to disappear but the other two boys heard him. Zayn looked like he wanted to speak but Liam sent him a look that shut him up reluctantly. Harry stood and wandered off to his bunk without saying another word. But he could hear Zayn and Liam clearly enough.

 

“What the hell, Liam?” Zayn snapped quietly.

 

“They’re going to tear each other apart,” Liam replied sadly.

 

“Do you think them being apart is any better? They might beat each other black and blue when they’re together, but when they’re apart it’s like someone literally tore both their hearts out and made them watch. Louis would never admit it, but even when he was with El he’d have days where he missed Harry so much he could barely breathe. He’d come to me and I’d know what was wrong from one look in his eyes. He always looked like he’d lost everything, like he’d lost the most important thing in his world. I knew why. Of course I knew, I’m his best friend. But I couldn’t say a fucking thing and it broke my heart, Li. And how many people has Harry fucked to forget Lou? And how many times have we seen him look completely fucking defeated afterwards because it didn’t work?” Zayn said; his voice filled with pain that his two friends were going through all of this. Harry hadn’t known about Louis, and he felt tears falls from his eyes to land with soft thuds on his pillow.

 

“I just . . . I hate seeing them like this. I’m not exactly used to seeing Louis upset. And Harry . . . he makes it so hard. He used to be so soft and bright and now he’s just . . . dull. Like a light bulb covered in dust. His eyes look so tired all of the time,” Liam replied.

 

“I know, baby. I see it too, but we can’t get involved. They have to work it out for themselves, or destroy each other in the process,” Zayn sighed before Harry heard movement and guessed they were heading to bed.

 

It was maybe half an hour later, the other boy’s asleep and Harry beginning to doze off, exhausted from his tears, when his curtain was slowly pulled back to reveal a scared but determined looking Louis. Harry opened his eyes and looked up at Louis blearily. Louis silently stared back until Harry shuffled back, leaving a space for Louis to fit in, without having to be asked. Louis slipped in and tugged the curtain closed behind him, turning onto his side to face Harry, who was facing him.

 

“I won’t let you give up,” Louis said, moving his hand until he was holding Harry’s between their bodies.

 

“I’m tired, Louis,” Harry murmured and Louis understood that he didn’t mean right now, he meant with this painful thing between the two of them.

 

“I know. I won’t ever pretend like we aren’t all twisted up and messy, Haz, but we both know we need each other,” Louis murmured, and Harry pressed forwards to nuzzle against Louis’ bare chest, pressing his cold nose against Louis’ warm, tattooed skin, feeling his chest hairs tickle the end of his nose.

 

“I took Ecstasy with Niall tonight,” Harry whispered after a small silence. Louis tensed up, his fingers a little tighter around Harry’s.

 

“That was really fucking stupid, Haz,” Louis said softly despite his tense muscles.

 

“Maybe. But I was sad, and scared, and hurt,” Harry replied, kissing the skin under his lips softly, helplessly.

 

“You don’t understand how much I hate myself for doing what I did, Harry. I love you so much and I was so afraid of that. I don’t know why I did that though. I really wish I hadn’t gone to that club,” Louis said, kissing Harry’s hair gently, moving his arm to wrap it around Harry and pull him closer.

 

“I know. I wish I hadn’t kissed Jamie. I didn’t want to. I just thought it’d be a way of protecting you. It worked, I think. No one thinks it was me with you in that photo, they think I’m seeing Jamie,” Harry murmured, having checked his twitter all day to find out whether what he’d done had actually been worth it.

 

“I hate that. I hate that they think you’re Jamie’s,” Louis muttered angrily into Harry’s hair.

 

“It’s safer. Plus, it’s not like I’m even really yours, is it?” Harry said, not expecting any kind of answer to those bitterly spoken words. But Louis surprised him, lifting a hand to push at Harry’s shoulder until Harry was laid on his back, Louis moving to lay between Harry’s thighs, his face so close to Harry’s that their noses brushed with every exhalation.

 

“You are mine, Harry. You’ve been mine since we fucking met at that stupid concert. Since the second I heard your voice, the second I saw your big, goofy smile. It’s taken me a stupid fucking amount of time to realise that I was meant to be with you, that we didn’t meet by chance. If it had been chance then I would never have seen you again after that concert. I look at those stupid video diaries some times. I was such a tosser. Embarrassed myself all the time. But I did it because it made you laugh, and all I ever wanted was to make you happy.

 

“I don’t know when or why I lost sight of that. It was the one aim I had, making you smile, and some how it got lost in all the fame and the stress and the fear until seeing you smile is so rare that it hurts my fucking heart, Harry. And it’s never me anymore. It’s always Niall, or Zayn. And I get so jealous, I get so angry that Zayn is playing with you or that Niall is hugging you. But it’s my entire fault because somehow I forgot that you’re the most important thing in my life. Not the money, the fame, or the band. You,” Louis finished and Harry realised he was crying again. Louis looked silently into his eyes for a few seconds before leaning down to connect their lips in a kiss that was desperate from the second their lips met. Harry raised his hands so he could thread them in the hair at the back of Louis’ head, one of Louis’ hands pulling sharply at the hair on Harry’s nape to arch his neck back, his other squeezing bruisingly tight on Harry’s hip. Harry wrapped his legs around Louis’ waist but Louis groaned in frustration and pushed Harry off of him so he could sit up, but before Harry could ask what was wrong, Louis hand unbuttoned Harry’s skinny jeans and was yanking them down his thighs. As Louis got rid of Harry’s jeans, boxers and his own shorts, Harry tugged his t-shirt off and finally they met again this time bared to the skin, the only things covering them Harry’s jewellery and their tattoos in sharp relief against light skin.

 

Their mouths came together in a tangle of lips and teeth, their hips meeting and causing shivers up Harry’s spine, Louis biting down on his lips to stop any sounds from escaping. Louis’ hand reached up under Harry’s pillow and Harry knew what he was searching for and felt Louis smile against his lips when he found it. Louis pulled back as he pulled the tube of lube from under Harry’s pillow, giving Harry a slow smirk that made his stomach somersault. Louis squeezed some onto his fingers and Harry couldn’t stop the restless movements of his hips as his eyes locked on Louis’ now damp fingers.

 

Louis leant down, resting his elbow on the pillow ext to Harry’s head so he was leaning close to Harry’s face, his other hand resting on Harry’s hip for the moment, smudging little streaks of lube onto Harry’s pale skin.

 

“You okay, baby?” Louis whispered against Harry’s lips and Harry gave a jerky nod in response, his eyes wide and desperate as they looked up into Louis’. Harry realised that since Louis was now laid along the side of him, it was easier for him to move so shuffled his legs up, bend his knees and dropping them sideways so his legs were open in welcome. Louis’ eyes flicked down to catch the motion and when he looked back up his lids were low, darkening the vivid blue of his eyes, and the hand at Harry’s hip began to slowly drag itself down between Harry’s thighs. When Louis’ fingers finally met his entrance, Harry’s lashes fluttered as he sucked in a delicate breath, Louis’ noses rubbing against his in comfort as he began to massage the skin below his fingers. When he slipped the first finger in Louis caught Harry’s moan in his mouth, stifling it before it could meet any of the boys’ ears. He worked his fingers until Harry was writhing and sweating below him, looking up at Louis with begging eyes. Louis leant up to kiss Harry as he removed his fingers and moved to kneel between Harry’s open thighs. He used the lube to slick his own length, taking his time and looking down at the stunning picture a wrecked Harry provided. Instead of leaning down to cover Harry, he grasped Harry’s hips and pulled them up onto his knees so that the only parts of Harry that were touching the mattress were his upper shoulders and heels, his arms lifted above his head to press palms down on the wall behind his head for leverage. Harry’s eyes avidly watched as Louis grasped himself and lined up, before slowly pushing in, his striking blue eyes locked on Harry’s for any signs of discomfort. When he made it all the way to the hilt, Louis stopped a second to take a deep breath.

 

“I love you,” Louis whispered softly, lifting his hands to grasp Harry’s hips.

 

“I love you too, Lou-bear,” Harry murmured before gasping as Louis used his hold to pull Harry’s hips off his lap before slamming them back down, burying himself inside of Harry again. Harry’s body shuddered at the feeling and Louis smirked. He repeated the motion again and again, building a steady rhythm that had Harry turning his head to the side to bit into his own arm, trying to stifle any noise he was making as Louis snapped their hips together over and over.

 

Obviously Harry wasn’t being quiet enough though, as Louis pulled out and man-handled Harry onto his front, wrapping his hand over the bottom half of Harry’s face- over his mouth- before sliding back inside of him, Harry’s choked moan stopped by Louis’ firm hand. Louis’ hips smacked into Harry’s bum over and over in a relentless rhythm that had Harry coming second later, Louis moving over him for a few more moments before finishing too, his body tensing hard before melting onto Harry’s back, forehead against Harry’s shoulder blades, breath brushing over sweat-damp skin. Louis finally removed his hand from Harry’s mouth and Harry wriggled his jaw since Louis’ hold had been firm and made it ache a little.

 

“Fuck,” Louis murmured before laughing breathlessly, causing Harry to laugh quietly too.

 

“Could you guys fuck any bloody louder? Twats,” Came Niall’s muffled voice from the bunk next to theirs, causing Harry to bark out a sharp laugh that dissolved into unstoppable giggles. Louis moved off of him and they both turned to their sides facing each other. They were messy and disgusting, Harry had some uncomfortable fluid slipping out of him right now, but the moment felt perfect and delicate as they smiled widely at each other, Louis leaning in to share a kiss that was flavoured with their laughter.

 

“Go to sleep, you wanker!” Louis called back to Niall as the delicate moment popped, but felt no less perfect for it.

 

“Stop shagging then!” Niall drunkenly shouted back.

 

“I second that, I heard way more than I needed to!” Came Liam’s voice, but there was obviously smile in it.

 

“You wouldn’t have heard so much if you’d let me do the same thing to you,” Came Zayn’s side mutter and all the boys started laughing, apart from Liam who squawked indignantly.

 

“Fuck, I’m gonna have to start liking dick, then maybe I can shag Josh and not be the guy alone with his right hand,” Niall said casually and Louis smirked sharply at Harry before calling back to Niall.

 

“Josh is straight, Ni!”

 

“You don’t think I’m hot enough to turn him? You fucking watch, Tomlinson!” Niall shouted back.

 

“Niall on drugs is even fucking stranger than normal Niall,” Liam muttered but they all heard and Harry heard banging and muttering that was probably Niall climbing out of his bunk to smack Liam and Liam’s sudden shout of pain supported Harry’s theory.

 

Louis laid on his back and pulled Harry so he was snuggled onto his chest and Harry drifted off to sleep with a smile on his lips and Louis’ arms warm and firm around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way guys, i don't actually know when this is going to end, so if one day you just get a note at the top that says 'by the way this is the lat chapter' then don't be surprised haha. 
> 
> Please leave any comments you have, feedback is extremely extremely important to me :) xxxxxx


	15. This World Ain't Exactly What My Heart Expected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from 'Free' by Rudimental ft Emeli Sande.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i'm thinking this is the second to last chapter, at the most the third to last, so this is almost over guys :( But i hope you've liked reading this as much as i've liked writing it :)
> 
> By the way this is a shift in POV, this chapter is in Louis' POV :) i hope you like it <3

When Louis woke up with Harry in his arms, he knew he had to do something to make things up to him, knew that they couldn’t keep pulling and pushing until one or both of them fractured. Harry’s face was soft and pink with sleep, his rosy lips parted and blowing soft breaths against Louis’ chest. He was utterly stunning, he always had been, from the second Louis had caught sight of him.

 

Louis knew he’d done everything wrong so far, knew he’d fucked up beyond forgiveness a few times, and it hurt his heart. It hurt because he could remember the early days like they were yesterday, could remember the excitement, the pulsing need to get it right, to take the opportunity given to him by the X Factor and make something of himself. He remembered the moment they’d been told they were being brought back but as a group, remembered jumping on Harry because that’s all he could think to do. He’d felt so happy, felt like it could burst out of his skin in a beam of light so strong that it scared him, so he’d attached himself to Harry, the only person he felt could truly comfort him. And Harry had caught him, held him so tight that Louis was certain he’d never let go, and he hadn’t questioned it for a second.

 

Louis had had doubts for a while before he met Harry. It wasn’t like Harry flipped a switch and Louis became gay. He knew that he’d always felt something different in himself, a need for something more than what he had, but had always been too afraid to explore it, maybe knowing that the answers he’d find would scare him too much. But when he met Harry . . . It felt like something in him settled but shook up all at the same time. Like coming home but finding something completely new as well. They’d kissed at that The Script concert. It had been an awkward even for both of them, the two boys young and confused about why they’d suddenly had the urge to kiss mid-song. It had been eager and sloppy and afterwards they’d left the concert with each other’s number but neither of them having the intention of ever calling, perhaps too scared to travel down that path.

 

When they bumped into each other in the toilettes at the X Factor auditions, the sight of Harry had knocked the breath out of Louis. Harry had smiled at him in recognition and Louis had wanted to melt and run away all at once. Instead Louis had flirted with him, made Harry blush and play with the edges of the ID numbered sticker on his tummy. When Louis had playfully asked for Harry’s autograph, telling him he knew he’d be a star one day, Harry had looked at him with this . . . starlight. That was the only way Louis could think to explain it. It was like the stars glittered in those big green eyes, or maybe that had just been the future flashes of Paparazzi cameras. Either way, when Harry had smirked and handed him the autograph, Louis had made sure to graze their fingers together, making Harry drop his gaze shyly before looking back up at him from under his lashes. He’d felt a tugging in his stomach, a nagging feeling that something was about to happen, but then Harry’s number had been called and he went off to his audition with a parting smirk at Louis.

 

And Louis had felt ruined. He was with Hannah, so why was he flirting with Harry? Why was he flirting with a GUY?

 

Louis had been so confused at the time, and as he thinks back on that time now he feels the need to stifle a laugh against Harry’s hair. He was such an idiot. He’d acted like a complete and utter tosser at the minute chance of ever making Harry laugh, and he’d pissed off more than a few people in the process. He’d been so desperate. He’d needed Harry’s attention and at the same time been terrified of what it all meant.

 

When he broke up with Hannah, he knew it hadn’t just been about the two of them realising they were better as friends, it’d been about Harry and the fact that Louis wasn’t put off by the fact that Harry was a guy.

 

Harry had been, and always would be, the exception to the rule. To every rule. Louis would move mountains for him, would bare every single cell of himself if that was what Harry asked of him. But Harry never asked for anything. All he wanted was Louis to be honest with him.

 

Louis pressed a kiss to Harry’s forehead, Harry sleepily snuggling closer to him with a soft sigh. Louis untangled himself from Harry without waking him and slipped out of the bunk, shutting the curtain behind him so no light would wake Harry. He stood and stretched and heard someone choke.

 

“Put some fuckin’ clothes on, Tomlinson!” Came Niall’s indignant voice. Louis looked over his shoulder and smirked and Niall who was sat at the table eating some cereal. He cupped his hands over his dick before turning to face Niall.

 

“Don’t act like you don’t like it, Nialler,” Louis winked and Niall flipped him off lazily, going back to spooning giant mouthfuls of Cheerios into his mouth.

 

“I still don’t understand how, with an arse like yours, you never bottom,” Zayn’s drawling voice came from behind him. Zayn walked past him, slapping his bare arse sharply as he did so. Louis yelped and flipped Zayn off but hastily re-covered his dick, smirking at Niall again.

 

“I love you, but I don’t need to see this first thing in the morning,” Liam sighed as he passed Louis to cuddle sleepily in Zayn’s arms.

 

“Prude,” Louis said, sticking his tongue out as he stole a pair of sweatpants from the floor that looked like some of Liam’s, he tugged them on quickly and went to sit with the other boys at the table.

 

“Great, your dick is now swingin’ about in my trousers,” Liam said with a glare.

 

“Suck it up, Payno. Anyone know the schedule for today? I wanna go out tonight so we’d best not be working late,” Louis said, attempting to kick Niall under the table just because he felt like it, but his legs couldn’t reach and he felt envious of Harry’s giraffe legs. At that moment Harry sleepily stumbled out of his bunk, having pulled on Louis’ shorts from last night that must have been tucked in the covers somewhere. He rubbed his eyes, not bothering to open them as he padded over to Louis and curled up against his side, nuzzling into his neck sleepily. Louis felt the smitten almost bewildered smile on his lips but honestly didn’t care what the boys think, instead simply wrapping his arms around his boy and holding him tight, pressing a soft kiss to his temple that made Harry smile sleepily but he still hadn’t bothered opening his eyes. Louis looked up then and noticed that Zayn was looking at them with a small, satisfied smile on his lips.

 

“What?” Louis murmured, but Zayn heard him despite the fact that Niall and Liam were having a loud argument over what the best cereal was.

 

“You look happy,” Zayn said simply, but his eyes said it all. Louis smiled at him and glanced back down at Harry before meeting his best friend’s eyes again.

 

“Everything,” Louis murmured and saw that Zayn knew what he meant; knew he meant that Harry was his everything, that everything was perfect, that everything was so goddamn scary right now. Zayn nodded, his eyes telling Louis he was there for him if he needed it.

He knew he would need his friends, especially so now because he realised he couldn’t act the way he had been, couldn’t just keep pretending that being with Harry didn’t make him . . . Gay. He hated that it was so hard for him even to think that. It’s not even to do with his views of homosexuality, he was a proud supporter of that kind of thing, thought that everyone should just be treated equally. But when it came to himself he just couldn’t face the thought. Couldn’t accept it, couldn’t accept that it would mean being labelled as the ‘gay one’, the ‘puff’, the ‘cocksucker’. Louis has always been ultimately confident but . . . Not about this. He saw the kind of shit people said to his Harry when they found out he was bi, knew how hurt Harry had been by some of it.

 

He felt lips against his neck then and looked down at Harry with a delicate smile, Harry had his head resting back against Louis shoulder, looking up at Louis with bleary eyes and a soft smile that Louis couldn’t help but kiss, all of his negative thoughts being pushed to the back of his mind by those big green eyes. They smiled through the kiss, neither of them wanting heat, merely the feel of the other’s lips against theirs. Louis reached a hand up as they pulled away from each other, stroking his thumb over Harry’s cheek bone as the beautiful lad gazed up at him with a contented sigh. Louis leant in and kissed Harry’s nose and when he pulled back he saw a conflicted mess of emotions in Harry’s eyes. He went from content to thoughtful and then something like fear and regret came into his eyes, and Louis knew.

 

“We’re going to be better this time, I promise,” Louis murmured and Harry hesitated but eventually nodded, his eyes searching Louis’ eyes and probably deciding whether or not he could trust him. Harry gave him a soft smile and pecked the underside of his jaw so Louis figured he had probably decided to give Louis another chance. Louis was fed up of breaking Harry’s trust, of needing to be given more chances because he keeps fucking it up.

 

***

 

The day passed quickly, photo shoots and interviews that Louis used to act like an idiot and make Harry laugh as often as possible. He snuck behind him in photo shoots to tickle him, annoying the photographer who was attempting to make Harry look seductive, so Louis decided to help him out.

 

“When we get home, are you gonna get on your knees for me, baby? I want to be in your mouth so bad, Harry. Want to feel your tongue on me. And if you do it good, I’m going to bend you over and fuck you ‘til you can’t walk,” Louis whispered in Harry’s ear and wandered off with a smug smile, leaving Harry panting and dark eyed in front of the camera. Louis went to stand just behind the camera next to Liam and heard Liam chuckle as Harry’s eyes never once left Louis.

 

“What did you say?” Liam asked with a smirk as the photographer took photo after photo, praising Harry for being ‘believable’, making Louis snort. It was ‘believable’ all right; believable that Harry was sporting a semi.

 

“Little bit of teasing never did no harm,” Louis grinned, crossing his arms triumphantly and smirk when Harry’s eyes blatantly checked out his arms and chest in this new position.

 

“I’m proud of you, Lou,” Liam said softly, bumping his shoulder into Louis and Louis lost his smirk, instead looking at Liam with a soft smile and eyes that were wide with honesty.

 

“Thanks, Li. I know . . . I know I messed everything up a few times. I know I was a pretty shitty person, but . . . Harry has always pushed me to that, you know? The one person that makes me cross every boundary I thought I had. I have no morals when it comes to him, not just for him but against him too. Because he can seriously piss me off,” Louis chuckled self-deprecatingly and Liam gave a soft chuckle too. “He’s the worst and best of me, and trying to live without him was . . . a really fucking stupid idea,” Louis grinned but he could feel that tightness in his neck, that need to scream because he’d caused Harry and himself so much pain because he just couldn’t accept who he was. A weight suddenly hit his chest with enough force to knock him back a few steps and he wrapped his arms around the body mostly out of survival instinct, and he heard Liam laughing loudly beside him as what he now realised was Harry jumped up and wrapped his legs around Louis’ hips, making Louis shift his hold to catch him under his thighs.

 

“You looked sad, so I thought you needed a koala hug,” Harry murmured here his lips were pressed to Louis’ neck. Liam was now laughing at the look of endeared shock on Louis’ face.

 

“You’re insane,” Louis said but kissed Harry on the forehead anyway. Harry finally unwound his legs and stood next to him, his body brushing Louis’ with every breath, unwilling to have space between them.

 

“Sooo are you done talking to Liam?” Harry asked with mock innocence, biting his lower lip to control his smirk.

 

“Why would you need to know that, curly?” Louis asked just to be annoying and Harry pouted at him before leaning forwards to whisper in his ear.

 

“I want to go find a toilette and suck your dick until my knees are bruised and my lips go numb,” Harry murmured and Liam cleared his throat.

 

“Harry you need to learn how to whisper properly,” Liam said with a blush but he was smiling.

 

“Blame him, he’s the one winding me up and not delivering,” Harry pouted, crossing his arms over his chest petulantly making Louis chuckle softly.

 

“Sorry baby, but you’ll have to wait till we go back. Don’t exactly want one of the staff here walking in and deciding to tell the whole of twitter that you have your lips around my cock,” Louis smirked and Harry pouted before flouncing away, probably to find Niall.

 

“You two getting together is just going to be ridiculous,” Liam sighed with a grin and a shake of his head.

 

“Admit it, you think we’re cute,” Louis smirked and Liam punched him with a laugh before walking away to find Zayn who was most likely outside having a fag.

 

“Louis?” He heard Lou’s voice call and figured it was his time for make up before his photos. When Lou covered up the hickey on his jaw with a smile but no comment, he knew she probably knew about him and Harry, since Harry spent a lot of time with her, Tom and Lux.

 

“You know, huh?” Louis asked casually, even if a part of him was freaking out.

 

“I’ve known since I started working for you boys that there was something. I’d be blind not to see it. Just glad the both of you are happy, is all,” Lou shrugged as she ran her fingers through his hair, styling it up for the photos.

 

“Do you . . .” Louis hesitated but took a deep breath and pushed through his fear. “Do you think I’m good enough for him?” Louis whispered and Lou leant down to peck him on the cheek before carrying on styling his hair.

 

“I think you two are explosive, intense, but . . . necessary. I’ve never known two people as connected as you two. Every one of the people closest to you know, Louis. You can’t get scared about us finding out because we’ve known all along that there was something between the two of you. We love you both, all we care about is that you have smiles on your pretty, little, millionaire faces,” Lou laughed and Louis gave her a weak smile.

 

“Thank you, Lou. That means a lot,” Louis murmured, looking up at her with wide, honest eyes and she gave him another peck on the cheek before carrying on making him look nice.

 

As the day continued, Louis thought more and more about it, about him and Harry and how to make sure they don’t follow the same path as before. He had an idea but honestly didn’t know if he was about to make the biggest mistake yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so what do you think? and by the way i'm open for prompts at the moment (not connected to this fic) so let me know if you have any ideas :) 
> 
> http://thedeliciousrude.tumblr.com/


	16. This Is To End In Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, this has been a huuuuuuge wait, and i'm so sorry. This is the last chapter, but i will be uploading a little epilogue :)  
> The chapter title is from 'I See Fire' by Ed Sheeran (because Ed plus Hobbit yay)
> 
> hope you enjoy :)

 

Harry had noticed how jumpy Louis was; all night Louis looked around with these wide, terrified eyes and wouldn’t give Harry a reason why. Liam and Zayn had both approached him in the hope that Louis had told him what was wrong, but Harry was utterly lost. Funnily enough, it seemed that the only person in on it was Niall, but whenever he tried to question the blond lad, all he did was smile and find some excuse to get far away from Harry.

 

When the sky darkened and the city truly woke up, Louis suggested that they go out for drinks together since they rarely get to do things all 5 of them together. On the way down the strip, a couple of body guards on either side of them, Louis gave Harry a secretive little smile that made Harry want to kiss him in front of all these people, but he held himself in check. He was walking beside Louis, and it was Louis who purposefully walked closer to him so their arms brushed with every step. Harry bit his bottom lip to keep his smile concealed. Harry looked forward to where Zayn and Liam were walking much like he and Louis were, and noticed the secretive smiles they were giving each other. Harry figured that those two would never have the drama of a public coming out or even get upset with each other about who knew about them. They were two private people and they worked that way. They were content at being a secret.

 

He and Louis could never be that calm; they were two boys who loved too strongly and painfully for it to be easy to hide.

 

As they entered the club, Louis simply seemed to get more nervous instead of relaxing into the crowded room like he usually would have. Louis liked crowds, liked getting lost in them or being at the beating heart of them. When they were surrounded by enough people, Harry slipped a careful hand into Louis’ down by their hips where it’d be hard for people to see in the dark. Louis flashed him a delicate smile and all Harry wanted was to hold him, to pull him into his chest where he could protect Louis from whatever was worrying him. But a second later a song came on and a wide grin spread across Louis’ face, eyes crinkling and teeth flashing in the strobe lights. He leaned up to Harry’s ear, steadying himself with a hand on Harry’s shoulder.

 

“I love this song! Dance?” Louis asked loudly in his ear to be heard over the pounding base. Harry paused for a second to try and catch the lyrics of the song that had obviously been remixed to be better for base heavy clubs. Then Harry heard the familiar lyrics- _There ain’t nothing wrong with groupie love, you’re the only one I notice, it’s really hard for me to focus, yeah_. Harry grinned at Louis and tugged on his hand, pulling them into the centre of the crowd where they’d be less likely to be recognised. They started dancing to the pulsing beat, their eyes locked on each other’s, smiles no longer on their lips. They knew what they both wanted, it was all in their eyes. Harry knew his green eyes were dark with need and he only lasted until the chorus before Harry thought ‘fuck it’ and grabbed Louis, spinning him around so his back was pressed to Harry’s chest, arse cradled against Harry’s hips. Harry clasped his hips in a bruising grip and moved their bodies together. Louis wasn’t even stopping him. Maybe it was the shock of that realisation that made him loosen his grip enough for Louis to turn around in his arms, but suddenly Louis’ arms were around his neck, his head tilted back as his blue eyes looked up at Harry with something that made Harry’s chest clench tight in want. Louis searched his eyes for a moment as Harry used every ounce of self-control not to kiss Louis that second. They could get away with dancing, sure it looked intimate and they were grinding in a not so innocent way, but they could worm their way out of it if a fan caught them on camera. But a kiss? Yeah, they’d be screwed.

 

Louis leaned up to put his lips to Harry’s ear.

 

“I love you,” Louis said, and something in his eyes made Harry take this deadly serious.

 

“I love you, with every single part of me,” Harry said into Louis ear and Louis nodded, obviously making some decision in his mind. He pulled out of Harry’s arms and slipped his phone from his pocket. He tapped at the screen for a few seconds before placing the phone back in his pocket and giving Harry a shaky smile. Harry moved forwards and put his hand on the pack of Louis’ neck, pressing his forehead to Louis’ their damp skin sticking with a slight sheen of sweat.

 

“Whatever you’re doing right now, I’m here for you, Louis. You know that. Whatever you’re scared about right now, I’m here if you want to talk about it,” Harry said, getting worried now with Louis’ weird behaviour. Louis smiled at him shakily as his vision flicked over Harry’s shoulder. He must have seen something behind Harry because his eyes widened in resolve, but before Harry could turn to find out what’d made Louis look like that, Louis’ hands caught his jaw in a firm grip. Harry met Louis’ eyes again and Louis searched his for a moment before surging forwards and pressing their lips firmly together. Harry froze for a second, even contemplating pushing Louis off, because did he actually know what he was risking? Harry knew that he didn’t want to come out, so kissing him in public was a pretty fucking stupid idea since they might get recognised.

 

What made Harry kiss him back was the hands that were fluttering and grasping at his chest, nervous gestures that told Harry how scared Louis was right now, and Harry could never be expected to push away his Louis when he’s afraid. Harry wrapped his arms around Louis, one hand going to the back of his neck to thread his fingers through the soft hair there.

 

And that was when the flashes started. Harry pulled back sharply to look around and he found multiple people taking photos of them through the crowd. Harry looked down at Louis in panic but found that Louis’ eyes had never left his face. His big blue eyes were wide with fear and determination and then Harry understood. Louis had done it on purpose. Harry reached a hand up to stroke Louis’ cheek, loving the way that Louis turned his face into Harry’s hand, seeking the comfort Harry was offering. Harry ignored the cameras and the people now shouting their names, trying to get them to look into the cameras, to give them a statement about what this all meant. He leant forward to brush his nose against Louis’, pulling a reluctant smile from the older boy, before leaning down to give him a gentle, loving kiss. Louis relaxed into his arms and Harry pressed his hand to Louis’ lower back to pull their lower bodies closer together, so he could feel every inch of Louis’ curvy little frame. They kissed like they were alone, like they had all the time in the world, because subconsciously they both knew that when they left this club, everything will have changed. This decision will affect everything, so they kissed with a determination to get lost in one another, to block out the real world for just a few more minutes. They pulled apart and Louis gasped against Harry’s lips, his own breath not that steady either. They didn’t move far apart, hands clinging vice-like to one another, sharing each breath they took.

 

“We’ll be _okay_ ,” Harry said, knowing Louis needed to hear it, needed to know that no matter how hard things got now, Harry would never walk away. “ _You’ll_ be okay.”

 

“Just . . . Don’t leave me. Don’t . . . Don’t change your mind, because I don’t know what-” Harry cut Louis off by leaning forwards to nip at his lower lip with his teeth before kissing the small hurt.

 

“Breathe, baby. I’m not going anywhere. I never will. We’ll get through this together,” Harry said, forcing Louis to meet his eyes, to see the honesty within them. Louis nodded and they held hands to go in search of the other boys. Liam and Zayn looked at them both with wide eyes before rushing forwards to hug them both. Niall sat calmly drinking his pint.

 

“You knew,” Harry guessed, talking to the Irish lad and Niall grinned widely.

 

“’Course I fuckin’ knew. Who do you think tipped off the paps when Louis gave me the signal?” he said calmly before taking another sip of his pint. Harry shoved his shoulder with a laugh and Niall stood up to give him a tight hug that Harry returned almost desperately. In truth, Harry was afraid. He knew that the backlash from this was going to be hard, and he was scared that Louis would be the one to walk away.

 

 

***

 

 

When Harry woke up, it was with a smile down at where Louis was curled up against his chest. And then it all came back to him. Harry slid out from the bed without waking Louis, shutting the curtain before walking off in search of the other boys. He found them all in the kitchen area, sprawled over the couch watching telly.

 

“Morning,” Niall said in a sleepy voice and Harry smiled delicately in response.

 

“Has there been any stories yet?” Harry asked, and the boys knew what he meant.

 

“A couple of magazines are saying it was obviously just a drunken snog and doesn’t mean anything,” Zayn said and Harry frowned, sitting down next to Liam and curling under the arm Liam offered him.

 

“A couple have obviously nicked the fan conspiracies because they’re saying that you two have been together since X Factor and that El was a beard,” Niall said, shrugging his shoulders in the carefree way that only Niall could have during this bad of a situation.

 

“There’s speculations about everything, really. A couple seem pretty close to the truth but no one is sure and everyone is desperate for the right facts,” Liam continued.

 

“What did Louis say to you yesterday? What . . . How did he explain what he wanted?” Harry asked softly, looking at Niall with wide eyes.

 

“He was scared but . . . Like, he wanted to show you how much he cared. He wanted people to know that you’re his and he’s yours. I think he was just fed up with messin’ around, Haz. I think he was tired of all the secrets and lies,” Niall said softly, his blue eyes filled with compassion.

 

“He didn’t have to do it, though. I love him and keeping us a secret would have been hard but I’d have done it gladly. He didn’t have to put himself through this,” Harry said, feeling maybe a little sad that Louis had felt like he had to do this just to make Harry happy.

 

“I did have to, Harry. I _wanted_ to.” Came Louis’ husky voice and Harry turned quickly to see Louis standing at the door from the bed-bunks, dressed in a pair of sweat pants and one of Harry’s jumpers. Harry smiled at him and pulled out from under Liam’s arm so that Louis could come over and curl into Harry’s side.

 

“You two have a lot of shit ahead of you, so you need to be ready for how bad it might be,” Liam said and Harry nodded before leaning down to kiss the top of Louis’ head.

 

Later that day when their management told them they were to have a press conference to clear up all the rumours, Harry and Louis knew they weren’t going to follow management’s advice. Their management wanted them to say it was just a drunken accident, a one-time thing that happened and wouldn’t happen again. As soon as those words left their lips, Louis looked to Harry with a furious expression, his cheeks turning pink in anger. Harry looked into his eyes and shook his head slowly, telling Louis to calm down, telling him that Harry didn’t agree either.

 

As soon as the boys were left alone, Louis exploded.

 

“Fuck them! I was fucking _terrified_ to do what I did, but I got the balls and did it, and they aren’t going to take that away from me. They can suck my dick if they think they can dictate what I do with my life. The twats. They need to remember that we could walk away if we wanted. They’d be the ones to lose out. We could get a new management in two fucking seconds, but they’d never have an act as big as we are right now!” Louis shouted and all the boys sat patiently waiting for him to calm down. “I’m not doing it, Harry. I’m _not_. I’m not going back to how it fucking was. _No_.”

 

“I know,” Harry sighed and stood up, walking over to where Louis paced, grabbing his wrist to stop his momentum and yank him into his chest where Louis reluctantly relaxed, burrowing his face into Harry’s chest. “We’re not lying, Lou. Don’t worry. Guys?” Harry asked, turning to face the other three boys. “Our actions affect you guys-” But Harry was cut off by an angry looking Zayn.

 

“Harry if you think for a fucking second that we’d stop you guys from being public just because we don’t want the bad press, then I’ll give you a slap. We’re successful, it doesn’t really matter if a few homophobic people drop out of our fanbase,” Zayn said firmly.

 

“Plus those aren’t the kind of people we want as fans anyway,” Liam added and Louis pulled from Harry’s arms to look at the other boys.

 

“Fuck, I know I don’t say it enough, but you guys are the best friends I could hope for. Seriously, I . . . I wouldn’t be strong enough to deal with all this without you four,” Louis said. Louis then yelped as all the boys crushed him in a group hug. “Right, right, get the fuck _off,_ ” Louis sniped and the boys pulled back with wide grins that Louis returned reluctantly, still trying to act pissy.

 

“If we’re doing this, then we’re gonna need all the help we can get,” Harry said as he pulled his phone from his pocket. He scrolled through his phone until he got the right name.

 

“Hello?” asked a tired sounding voice.

 

“Shit did I wake you up?” Harry said with a guilty cringe, ignoring the curious looks from the other boys.

 

“Yes, you little shit. Now what do you want?” Nick groaned.

 

“So you haven’t seen the news then? Or your twitter feed?” Harry asked carefully.

 

“No. Give me one second,” Nick sighed and Harry heard him shuffling around. Then Harry heard a quiet ‘oh my god’ before Nick came back on the phone. “Hell yes, tell me you’re giving me the exclusive? I will love you forever, Harry.”

 

“Do me a favour and I promise to give you an exclusive interview after the press conference,” Harry said rolling his eyes.

 

“What do you want? I refuse to do anything illegal. Well. Certain felonies I can get on board with but I draw the line at murder. Maybe. Depending upon who it is.” Nick chattered on and Harry sighed.

 

“I really understand your career choice. It was a great idea since you really do love the sound of your own voice,” Harry replied sarcastically and Nick barked a dry laugh. “I need you to get in touch with any reporters and magazines you know that are near me.”

 

“That’s a rather broad task, and specific kind of magazine?”

 

“Any you know that are directly involved in the LGBTQA community, or the supporters you know,” Harry responded and Nick was quiet for a few moments.

 

“You little con artist! You’re filling your press conference with people who’ll be on your side!”

 

“Our management wants us to down play the whole thing, but me and Louis have decided not to. It’d be easier for us if we didn’t have a crowd of homophobes and blood suckers who just want a good story,” Harry sighed.

 

“I’ll ring as many as I can. Email me the details of the conference and I’ll forward it to them. You know . . . If you need to talk, Haz, I’m here. I have gone through this kind of thing, so I won’t be totally hopeless at giving advice,” Nick said softly and Harry smiled in response.

 

“I know, Nick. Thanks. I’ll be in touch tomorrow at some point, promise,” Harry said and they said their goodbyes. Harry slipped his phone back into the pocket of his skinny jeans and looked up to meet the curious gazes of his band members.

 

“Grimmy?” Louis asked and Harry nodded. “He’s so irritating. But if he can help then I’ll personally thank him,” Louis said with a sigh, rolling his eyes. Harry grinned sharply and pulled Louis into his side where Louis leaned up to press a kiss to his jaw.

 

“Hopefully if we have a mainly supportive crowd, there won’t be as much of an uproar when we admit that we’re a couple,” Harry said but then he frowned. “Guys can you give us a second?” Harry asked and the guys all nodded and left the room, Liam and Zayn holding hands, Niall shouting for Josh. “We’re a couple, right Lou?” Harry asked softly, suddenly feeling unsure.

 

“What? Why would you ask such a stupid question?” Louis demanded, frowning up at him.

 

“I just . . . I didn’t want to call you my boyfriend just in case that freaked you out,” Harry shrugged and Louis suddenly looked a little sad. He leaned up put his hands on either side of Harry’s face, pressing his forehead to Harry’s.

 

“I’m your boyfriend and you’re mine. I’m scared. I won’t lie about that. But the one thing I am sure of, is that we’re together and I’m serious about us. No more pissing about. I love you and I want to be with you and at some point I want us to get a place together again because seriously, I’ve missed that so much. I’ve missed our stupid flat with that creaky bathroom door that you tried to fix hundreds of times but never managed. I miss waking up and finding you in the kitchen making breakfast. I miss cuddling and watching telly at night. I miss all of it, so fucking much, Harry. Do . . . Do you miss it too?” Louis asked softly and Harry quickly leant down to clasp the backs of Louis’ thighs, pulling up sharply as Louis yelped and wrapped his legs around Harry’s hips, his arms around his neck.

 

“I miss it so bad that sometimes it’s hard to breathe. But this time, I want to go to sleep with you in my bed. I want to wake up and find you wrapped up in my quilt. I want your stupid dirty socks all over the fucking floor because you refuse to bloody pick them up. You don’t . . . understand how much . . . How much I need you. How much I love you,” Harry murmured against Louis lips and Louis surged in to kiss him desperately, pushing his tongue into Harry’s mouth, making Harry whine and clutch at Louis’ thighs harder.

 

“We’re going to have that, okay? We’re going to look for a place in London, and it’s going to be perfect because it’s ours. We’re going to make it this time because I’ll fight fucking anything to keep this,” Louis said breathlessly as he pulled back from the kiss and Harry pressed a kiss to Louis forehead.

 

“Can we get a walk in shower?” Harry asked with a grin and Louis groaned.

 

“Is that really what’s important right now? I’m making some huge speech about how much I love you and you’re think of the bloody shower!” Louis snapped.

 

“Shower sex is important!” Harry insisted with mock seriousness, making Louis snort and burrow his face into Harry’s shoulder with a pained groan.

 

“Why the fuck do I love you?”

 

“Because I have a monster cock?” Harry guess and Louis barked a sharp laugh into his skin, making Harry grin widely.

 

“You’re an idiot,” Louis murmured with an obvious smile in his voice.

 

“Maybe,” Harry allowed, “But you love me anyway.”

 

“Yeah, I really, really do,” Louis whispered and Harry felt his chest warm with love and contentment. He had Louis in his arms and an actual future with him ahead of them, and Harry figured that there was nothing that could pull them apart now, not when they’d both decided to be tangled with each other so intrinsically. Any attempt to separate them would surely cause fatal damage to both their hearts.

 

When they faced the press storm, they did it with smiles on their faces and their fingers clasped tight, no amount of wind could pull them apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear your thoughts, especially so close to the end. Also if there's anything you'd like me to clear up within the epilogue, then comment and i'll try to do so :)
> 
> You guys have been so great, thank you so much xx


	17. I Know You're Willing To Take Me All The Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue.
> 
> Chapter title is from 'The Big Bang' by Rock Mafia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took me forever because i wasn't sure how to go about closing the fic but yeah, this happened so i hope you don't hate it aha.

The media frenzy on Harry and Louis had just begun to settle when the photos surfaced. They were grainy and blurred but the tattoos were identifiable and the statures were familiar. Zayn and Liam hadn’t known they were being photographed, hadn’t known that there was even anyone around. They’d gone to some random pub in the middle of nowhere, sneaking around the back to have a few moments unwatched. But there _had_ been someone watching.

 

Zayn stood with his back to the stone wall, hands gripping Liam’s sides as the muscular boy leaned over him, hands on the wall at either side of Zayn’s head. They were obviously kissing, the photos taken from enough angles to get a very good idea of their movements.

 

When the pictures surfaced Liam turned sheet white, sat silently for over half an hour, refusing to talk to anyone, even Zayn. And Zayn, the ‘quiet one’, the ‘mysterious one’, got angry. Like punching-walls-and-shouting-at-thin-air angry.

 

Zayn didn’t want his private life splashed all over the magazines. He wanted what was between he and Liam to _stay_ between them. When Liam finally started talking, Harry felt nervous at all of his questions, he didn’t know how to answer them properly. Liam wanted to know how bad it had been for Harry and Louis, wanted to know how much hate they’d gotten for it, and Harry didn’t want to admit to how bad it had been. Because it had been. Paps had surrounded Harry and called him disgusting names, and Louis had punched one of them in the face for it, causing a shit storm.

 

Zayn was somewhere with Louis, having stormed out with a yell of ‘Fuck this!’, Louis following behind with a sarcastic roll of his eyes-ironic since he was usually even more dramatic than Zayn was being.

 

Liam was sat on the bed with Harry, the two boys cross-legged and facing each other, Niall somewhere with Josh as usual.

 

“People are going to hate me for this, aren’t they?” Liam whispered and Harry looked at him with sympathetic eyes.

 

“It wasn’t _that_ bad, Li. Me and Louis are dealing with it okay, and you and Zayn will probably do better, since more people like you,” Harry say with a wry grin.

 

“What do you mean?” Liam asked with a confused frown.

 

“I’m the man whore. The press loves to bash me, so me coming out was just ammunition. And Louis’ too blunt. They don’t like it when he tells them to fuck off. But you and Zayn are different. Zayn’s the pretty one and you’re the golden boy. Only thing you ever did wrong was have a bit of a batman complex,” Harry said jokingly.

 

“I just . . . We liked being quiet, you know? Liked being a secret and being private. We aren’t like you and Lou,” Liam frowned and Harry sighed in response.

 

“I know, Li, and I wish you’d been able to stay like that. Me and Louis . . . We wouldn’t have worked as a secret. We’re both far too possessive and obsessive. You and Zayn are more . . . natural,” Harry shrugged easily. Harry wasn’t stupid, he knew he and Louis worked far harder to keep their relationship steady; they argued _constantly_ , over the smallest things, but they also loved so deeply and thoroughly that after the screaming has finally stopped they both know that they’re still secure in their relationship.

 

“You and Louis are natural too, you know. Just . . . more stormy, I guess. Like you have this delicate balance that gets knocked every once in a while. I just . . . I’m not you guys. I don’t want to deal with all the press shit that comes along with a sexuality. And now Zayn is angry and he’s freaking out and he might not even want to talk to me now,” Liam sighed sadly and Harry leaned forwards to peck him on the cheek swiftly.

 

“It’ll be okay, Payno. Zayn’s just scared,” Harry said casually as he pulled his mobile from his jeans pocket. He sent Louis a quick text telling him to bring Zayn back. Louis sent back an emoji of an aubergine so Harry guessed that meant ‘okay’.

 

A few minutes later Louis came strutting in without bothering to knock, Zayn following reluctantly behind him, arms crossed and looking down at his feet. Liam looked to Zayn desperately for some sort of reassurance but Zayn refused to look up and meet anyone’s gaze. Louis calmly padded over to kiss Harry on the forehead and ruffle his hair before sitting on the bed beside him, making sure his knee grazed Harry’s. Zayn was the only one left standing but he seemed in a stubborn kind of mood so Harry didn’t ask him if he wanted to join them on the bed.

 

“Zayn?” Liam murmured tentatively, afraid of being snapped at, and Harry saw the tension leak out of Zayn’s shoulders a little.

 

“Come on,” Louis whispered into Harry’s ear before grabbing his hand and pulling him from Liam’s room. “They need time to talk it out,” Louis explained as they walked down the corridor hand-in-hand.

 

“Yeah, you’re right. Do you wanna go get dinner?” Harry asked, bumping his shoulder into Louis’. Louis smirked and Harry gave him a suspicious look as the shorter lad pulled him not towards the elevators, but down to their hotel room.

 

“How about instead we make some better pictures and take the attention off of the manic duo?” Louis grinned and Harry gave him a confused look but followed him into the room anyway, shutting the door behind him. Louis grabbed Harry’s other hand and forcibly tugged the taller boy to the big balcony window that was currently covered by a curtain. Louis dropped Harry’s hands and flung the curtain open before yanking Harry so his back hit the cold glass, attacking his lips with his own. Harry sighed into the kiss and a little puddle of heat started to grow in his stomach at the way Louis had thrown him about. Louis started yanking at both their clothes and Harry helped until they were both clad only in their boxers.

 

Louis suddenly clasped Harry’s hips and used the hold to spin him so Harry’s chest was pressed to the glass, his cheek against the cold surface and his breath causing condensation. Harry pressed his palms to the glass and waited submissively, loving Louis in this mood. Louis teeth grazed Harry’s shoulder blade and a shudder ran down his spine. When Louis’ hands slid down the back of Harry’s boxers to cup his bare bum, Harry suddenly came back to himself a little, looking out on the view their balcony presented.

 

“Lou? Someone might see,” Harry breathed out and he could almost feel Louis’ sly grin. There were other hotels facing them, so anyone on one of those balconies in possession of a zoom-capable camera would have a perfect shot of them.

 

“I know,” Louis whispered in Harry’s ear and Harry couldn’t help the soft whimper that left his damp, swollen lips. Louis pulled Harry’s boxers down at the back so that the elastic tucked under his bum but his dick was still mostly covered at the front, not giving a camera the perfect shot of Harry’s cock. Louis disappeared for a moment and Harry pressed his sweating forehead to the glass in hopes that it’d cool him down. When Louis padded back to him the first touch was of his slick fingers between Harry’s cheeks. Harry’s mouth opened in a silent moan and his gasping breaths clouded the glass with water vapour. Louis pressed his smug, smiling mouth to Harry’s nape as his fingers tormented Harry and made his hips twist and buck, begging for Louis to hurry up, to give him something more.

 

When Louis decided Harry was ready he pulled his boxers down to release his hard cock, safe from any cameras in the shelter of Harry’s body. He slicked his length and pressed it to Harry’s entrance, pausing and making Harry whimper in frustration, fingers pressing helplessly against the smooth glass windows.

 

Louis suddenly thrust in half way and Harry moaned against the glass, spit smudging against it as his mouth opened wide and obscene. Harry writhed against the sensation, Louis’ fingers in a bruising grip on Harry’s hips, holding him forcibly in place and Harry whimpered out a litany of ‘please, Lou, please, please,’ until Louis finally pushed in the rest of the way in one firm thrust.

 

As Harry gasped and panted, his body damp with perspiration and trying to adjust to the overload of stimulation, Louis leant in to purr in his ear: “Let’s give them a fuckin’ show.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been really fun and you guys have been great, your support and love has meant so so much to me so thank you xxx

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it so far, please please please leave a comment, i love you guys' feedback :)


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